


Holtzmann: Origins

by 5c4r13tt



Category: Crucible Cast Party - SNL Sketch, Ghostbusters (2016), Ghostbusters (2016) RPF, Ghostbusters - All Media Types, Kate McKinnon - Fandom, Kristen Wigg, SNL - Fandom
Genre: Drunk Sex, Drunken Kissing, F/F, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Oral Sex, Origins, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sex, Slow Build Erin Gilbert/Jillian Holtzmann, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 13:56:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10537893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5c4r13tt/pseuds/5c4r13tt
Summary: This is the Life of Jillian Holtzmann.It isn't perfect, and not every moment is a happy one. But the experiences have shaped who Jillian Holtzmann is. She found her family; where she belongs. But the journey hasn't always been a smooth one. But now it's time to share it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've been debating on whether to post this for awhile now. It has been a long write and has taken a toll on my other works, but it is finally finished. It's the Story of Holtz and a bit of Life with the Ghostbusters. There are sad sections but you know that already. So here we are... On with the post.

Holtzmann was born different from others.

Born special, her mother would say to the onlookers.

She didn’t care about the societal norm.  And it was because she was a little different that she would be called weird, strange and abnormal.

But if you took away her weird, strangeness and abnormality, she would no longer be Holtzmann.

1

Holtzmann was born, Jillian Holtzmann. Her father was a German mechanic and her mother was a traditional wedding planner from Chicago. Holtzmann was born on the 4th of September 1984. She weighed 7lbs 4 ounces and had curly blonde hair and big beautifully blue eyes. It was all her parents wanted. A baby.

They lived in a small house in suburbia on Long Island. It had was a two bedroom house with a garage. Jillian was an easy going child. Rarely cried unless she needed changing or feeding, but other than that was never really a hassle.

Her parents felt blessed. Her father would sometime look over into her cot and just see her studying her fingers or feet or whatever she had in front of her. She had a few toys and any that had moving parts fascinated her.

She slept like a dream. At first it was a little shaky her sleeping routine but then it became like clockwork. 4 hours during the day and 8 hours at night. She wouldn’t need to be woken because she would wake herself.

Everything was relatively normal. Her mother loved to dress her up in little pinafores with matching bows and shoes and socks. Anything to make her like the prize little porcelain doll her mother had as a child.

Her father loved to read to her. Anything from Thomas the tank engine, or a training guide on how to how to tune the emissions on a car. It use to fascinate young Jillian when her father would read to her.

Jillian said her first word at 3 and a half months. Her parents were delighted. They took Jillian to church every Sunday and even had her baptised. Jillian would lay very still in the church. Many would gather round her pushchair and coo at her. They smelt stuffy and of biscuits and old furniture and the scent always caught Jillian a bit off guard.

By nine months Jillian was starting to string words together. “Papa read.” “Mama please?” It wasn’t long after that Jillian knew all the letters of the alphabet and was forming longer sentences. And when she was one her father found her in her cot talking to herself.

He was deeply surprised because it was a rather in depth conversation for a one year old to be having with herself until he realised what she said made no sense. He listened for another minute and himself recognising what she was saying sounded familiar. She was reciting a book he had read her a few weeks ago. It was an easy book about Thomas the Tank engine. But still for her to know it all whilst playing with her toys astounded him.

And even at this young age her parents knew she was special. But her mother feared it. Wanting Jillian to fit in with everyone else. Like bees in a hive. And that’s where it all began …

 

3

By three Jillian was reading at 5th grade level. She would still read with her Father and she absorbed each new book like a sponge in water.

She was beginning to tire of the out fits her mum would put her in and the things she was made to wear. The thing she hated to most, more than the pastel colours and tights and itchy dresses were the bows in her shoulder length hair.

She once tore one out of her hair and threw it away but her mother had scolded her.

“Pick that up. Now, Jillian!” and Holtz would answer

“I do not want to retrieve it. It does not have to be on my person.”

“I don’t care Jillian! Now pick it up and come here now.” Holtzmann would oblige and her mother would put it back in place. “And for god’s sake you can say ‘don’t’ and ‘doesn’t’ for once…”

“‘Don’t is only and abbreviation of the words ‘do’ and ‘not’  and I am in no  hurry to speak. In fact it is popularly used for punctual-“

“Okay Jillian, I know what it means and I don’t care… let’s just go. We’re gonna be late for toddler group… It’s the first session.  Now remember, a smile costs nothing!”

“Yes, mama”

That was another new thing. Jillian had never been to toddler group. Either there wasn’t time or money or simply Jillian felt like there was no need to go.

Going to toddler group opened new obstacles for Jillian. Children were screaming, shouting, crying, picking, sniffing, peeing, scratching and sneezing. It was a sensory overload. Her mother had simply pushed her into the carnage.

The first few sessions Jillian sat on a play mat, eye’s flickering at each child rushing past, each toy being dropped and each high pitched wail of a screaming baby. She would usually run off to the bathroom as soon as they arrived. She soon discovered that a small doorway that led to the library where the playroom was adjoined to.

The librarian had welcome her with open arms. So happy to see such a little girl have such a fascination with books.

At first she offered Jillian books about fairies and sprites but it took less than ten seconds after her recommendation to tell her that she was interested in how things worked and not make believe.

“How old are you again dear?” The librarian asked.

“3 years old, 11 months and 2 days. Why?”

“Why… You’re very well spoken for 3years, 11 months and 2 days aren’t you?”

“So my Papa tells me. Do you have any books with something mysterious?”

“Mysterious? Well here try this. You might have to get you parents to read you this one. It says-“

“Enid Blyton, The Famous Five, The five go to mystery moor.”

“Yes…”

“Would you mind if I sat here and read this book? I promise to be very quiet.”

“Now won’t your parents miss you in there?”

“No my Mama should be fine. She usually stays in the kitchen area talking for approximately 2 hours and 16 minutes before returning. ‘Toddler time’ is two hours and 30 minutes but it usually overruns by about seven minutes.”

“Oh, I see.”

“No you don’t the ‘Toddler time’ Play group is through that door and to the left.” Holtzmann said pointing to the door she entered through and turning back to the librarian.

“Oh.”

“So, could I stay? It is nice and quiet in here.”

“Yes. Of course. Sure.”

“Thank you. I’m Jillian Holtzmann. What is your name?”

“I’m Mrs O’Callaghan.”

“Do you have Irish family?”

“I do actually.”

“I thought so.” And with that Jillian walked off leaving the librarian speechless.

2 hours and 3 minutes later Jillian came back with the Enid Blyton book in hand and stood before the librarian’s desk.

“Yes, Jillian? Do you have to go back now?”

“No not for another 7 minutes but I just came to tell you that I had finished.”

“You can’t have! It’s only been about two hours…”

“I can prove it if you would like?”

“And how would you do that?”

“Choose a page number.”

“Okay. Page 57.”

“The dark dire deeds upon the hill, Strike my heart with a deadly chill.”

“Wow. You really read it?”

“Yes. I did. Would you help me choose another book?”

“Of course. What would you like to know Jillian?”

“Many, many things.”

“Name three right now.”

“Okay… Why do the kids my age believe I’m weird? How do pistons work in an engine? Why does my head hurt when I look at bright colours?”

“Well I can actually help with some of those things. Here… try reading this and this and get back to me on those… If they think you’re weird don’t listen because that’s what makes you, you! And the last one I’m not so sure on. Maybe it’s just a headache. Okay?”

“Yes. Thank you. I should be back on Thursday. Good bye.”

“Goodbye little one”

\---

8

Jillian continued her routine of heading to the library. Each time learning something new. She would usually read books on math or physics and chemistry. She soon found engineering. Mrs O’Callaghan would spring new books on her to see what she was capable of.

When Jillian was 8 it took her 6 weeks to become fluent in German. Her father was so proud and now they both could speak without her mother understanding a word. Sometimes she would make a mistake but once corrected she would learn.

Her mother hated it. She always assumed they were speaking about her, when in fact it would probably be about how school was going or how it was at the auto shop. Her Papa once told her that it made him happy to speak in his first language because it reminded him of Germany and how much of himself he saw in her.

 

9

When Jillian was nine, she had come home crying. She was so upset that she didn’t even stop at the library after school, like she did most days. Her mother had rushed over to ask what was wrong and Jillian had replied that she didn’t want to go to school anymore.

When her Mama asked why, Jillian answered that in school today that in the staffroom someone had burnt toast setting off the fire alarm. The sprinklers turned on, it soaked her and her books. All the children screamed and the lights made the room flash red. The screaming and the yelling and the rush of people had disorientated her and she had fallen to the floor but no one would help her because they thought she was weird. The flashing lights burned her eyes so she had shut them tight. The teacher had dragged her out by her arm and left a bruise. The teacher now liked her even less than before, because she would sometimes correct her when she got something wrong. She made Jillian stand in front of the whole school as punishment and now everyone calls her ‘Trippy’.

Her mama agreed to home school Holtz but it was only then she realised the true extent of Jillian’s knowledge. She had surpassed all the set work for High school and was wanting to know more but all she knew was about domestic care and beauty and neither subject interested Jillian.

One day her father came in from work ready to finish off his day by starting to fix the car in the garage that he had been meaning to do for the past two months but when he started the car it ran perfectly. He called down for Jillian and she came.

“Hast du das Auto repariert?” _(Did you repair the car?)_

“Yes, Papa. You were busy so I thought I would try and repair it. I was bored after me and mum had finished. It didn’t take me long. Do not worry. I am sorry.”

“Das muss dir nicht leid tun!” _(Don’t be sorry.)_

“Oh okay Papa. Can I go now?”

“Ja.” _(Yes.)_

“Danke.” _(Thank you.)_

Later that evening Jillian’s Papa argued with her Mama about taking Jillian to see a specialist. They both knew she was special but her mother didn’t want to accept it believing that Jillian should not accelerate ahead and that she should be kept normal.

However, her papa refused to hold her back for any longer since they had for the past nine years. He was going to take her tomorrow with or without her Mama because she shouldn’t live in the façade of a nuclear family anymore and that she should be proud that Jillian was so smart.

They had not stayed in the same bed that night. Jillian had known this because the sheets for the pull out bed had been in a different order than they had been the night before.

Her father went with her to the specialist. Her mother had stayed at home.

At the office they had taken her into a room and asked her questions along the lines of “What is missing?” when shown a picture of a glove that was lacking one finger. She said the other glove.

What is 22.8 divided by 3? Which component of blood aids in clotting? What part of the neuron picks up impulses of neighbouring neurons? Read this … Now recite it. Take this paper you have 12 minutes.

All the questions were answered as soon as he had stopped saying them. She had recited the paragraph with ease and the paper was finished in 2 minutes 45 seconds with all the questions answered correctly.

She was quickly submitted for further testing she was asked what interested her. She replied maths, physics and engineering because she could read and practice it for hours on end and not get bored. She enjoyed them.

Within a week they had Jillian assigned her to weekly classes in a local high school. It didn’t take her long to learn the syllabus and pass the tests.

15

She was then given extra classes in engineering, Science, Maths and Technology and by the time she was 15 MIT had written to offer her a place in a course of her choosing among the four subjects.

She looked into every course intently and finally decided on nuclear engineering. She loved how it could be so dangerous yet simply put down into numbers and formed into designs. It was a five year course. And MIT was about a 4 hour car drive. It would be stupid to drive every day. A plane only took an hour but it was so expensive. Her Mama and Papa’s work was based in Long Island so Jillan made the decision to move. It was what she wanted.

She never had fit in in Long Island with everyone’s country club and beach lounging days. She much preferred building something in her dad’s garage or helping out at the auto shop. Although recently she had been going less and less since her last two inventions had blown up.

Her mum still never let her cut her hair. She always insisted on having it in a fancy braid just in case ‘that nice young fella’ came to talk to her at church. He had once or twice, which had excited her mama but she had never cared. Their conversations were stiff and awkward just like it was with lots of others. It went the along the lines of…

“Hi, I’m Joshua.”

“My name is Jillian.”

“It’s hot out today don’t you think?”

“It’s 84 degrees to be exact. So yes, I guess you could say it’s hot.”

“The sermon today was nice.”

“Was it?”

“Yes. Weren’t you listening?”

“I have read the bible. I don’t really need to hear it again.”

“Oh well it was Leviticus.”

“Oh really? Which part?”

“17 – 20.”

“I never really liked that part.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s out dated and I don’t approve on its views on same sex relationships.”

“What do you mean? Homosexuality is a sin. It’s wrong. And we live our lives by it.”

“If it is a sin then why is it legal in our state? And no you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Leviticus 19:19. Do not wear clothes of mixed fibres. Your jacket is 10% cotton 90% Polyester.

Leviticus 19:27 Do not shave the hair at the sides of your head. Well yours clearly has been.

There’s a few more, would you like me to continue?”

“Fine! Queer!”

And that was the last she saw of him. She only said what came to mind. Maybe interaction was the thing that Jillian found hardest, but I guess interaction was hard when you were being forced to be someone you aren’t.

In a few weeks she would be moving away to stay on the MIT campus. All her living fees were paid by a special scholarship and she would be living in a house with other gifted and talented students with a house keeper. It was otherwise known as the Polymath, because everyone who stayed there had been accelerated through school.

Her Papa and Mama had gone with her to unpack her belongings. It wasn’t much. There was one box of clothes her mama packed, a box of books and a special package from her dad which contained a soldering kit and junk from the garage and auto shop. It was the best gift she had ever received.

When her parents left her they both cried. Jillian shed no tears. But after they had left she felt one singular tear drop down her cheek. She wiped it off with her finger. And started to unpack the rest of her things. At the bottom of her dad’s gift she found a small brown package and an envelope. Inside read.

_My Beautiful Jillian,_

_I am so proud of you! To be at MIT and only 16! Your mother and I are so proud. It’s just taking longer for her to realise. In the brown envelope you will find $3561. This is all the money you earnt fixing cars for me but never asked for. You were like another part of the team at the auto shop and we will miss you so much. Use it to buy food, clothes anything but something to do with work. You need a break. You’ll have plenty of time to work in a few weeks. I’m missing you already._

_Ich liebe dich. Hoffentlich hör ich bald von dir!_

_Papa x_

Holtzmann opened the envelope and thought she would obey her father’s wishes. She drew up a table with a meal plan. Breakfast, Lunch and dinner, with a snack for each day and a dessert on Sundays. She made a shopping list and headed to the first supermarket she had seen on the way to her accommodation. She noted how her handwriting was terrible but it always had been.

She picked up all the groceries she needed. She made sure to pick up some cheap plastic containers, some stationary, sticky notes, some stamps, a pad of paper, a pack of envelopes and on the way out she saw the salted Pringles. She loved them. But they weren’t on her list. She picked up a pack and felt guilty when she ate them later that evening while she was cooking her batch food and packing it into containers. She labelled each box Holtzmann with a sticky note. A pink one for Breakfast, Yellow for lunch and blue for dinner. Everything else was labelled in green. It would still be about 2 days till any of her roommates arrived.

All the colours made her eyes sting and she made a note to go see an optician in the morning. It was coming up to 11pm when she thought she should get to bed. She needed to sleep for at least 8 hours and she hated waking after 9am. It was just then she heard a key turn in the lock and in walked a young man maybe 15/16 with light brown hair walked in the door with a suitcase and a box. “Hi. My name’s Michael. I’m sorry I didn’t think anyone would be here yet.” He said so nonchalantly.

“My name is Jillian but please call me Holtzmann.” She wanted to make a new start here so that she decided would be her first change of many. As soon as Michael walked through the door she knew that he must have been quite the cool kid at his school. His new Nokia mobile and fashionable haircut said it all. It was spiked like David Beckham’s. 

“Nice to meet you. Would you mind helping me with this box? It’s just I have a keyboard with me too.”

“You must be the musical prodigy. Let me guess… musical and Theatre arts?”

“Yes. You hit the nail on the head.”

Holtzmann took the box from his arms and put it down in his room. She had to try to make friends. It was a fresh start.

He brought his keyboard in and suitcase in. He put his suitcase on the bed and his keyboard on the desk and plugged it in.

“Would you like to see me play something?”

“Yes. Sure.”

 He sat down and started to play. It was of a high standard. She watched him play for a couple minutes until the piece came to an end.

“Franz Liszt or Chopin?”

“Liszt. How did you know? Are you taking music too?”

“No nuclear engineering, but I know that that was in B minor and that it was a piano sonata because it’s in sonata form. The most popular composers that came to mind were either Liszt or Chopin. I’ve actually never heard the piece before.”

“That’s incredible… Can you play?”

“No, I have tried and I could if I wanted to I guess but it never seemed worthwhile. There are many people that would want a musical position place a lot more than I did and would probably be more worthy.” Holtz deadpanned.

“Well let’s hear something…”

“Okay I’ll try.” Holtz shut her eyes and cast her mind back to the melody he was playing moments ago on his right hand and repeated his actions for 8 bars and stopped.

“How? How did you do that?”

“Oh, well the first 8 bars are fairly simple. Plus you just did it. I can’t play with both hands. I just don’t have the co-ordination.”

“Wow, well thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Well I’m going to go to bed it’s getting late.”

“Okay, Goodnight Holtz”

“Goodnight Michael.” And she left and closed the door.

She awoke the next morning at 0855. She got dressed from an outfit of clothes her mum sent her. A floral dress with some ballerina pumps. She gone to the opticians and they prescribed her yellow tinted glasses. At first she felt like she looked like she was a hippie from the 1970’s but they helped with the bright colours. She also referred her to another specialist who she could see in the next four days to evaluate her health.

On the way home she had to go through the centre so decided to pick up some clothes. At first she went to the high end shops, Picking up a nice pair of monkey boots and a nice cropped jumper. She also picked up some underwear, bras and boxers. Treating herself to the big brands. Calvin Klein. Victoria’s secret. Tommy Hilfiger.

She saw nothing else she liked so was walking home when she passed a charity shop. She decided to look in and inside she found a pair of overalls with paint splattered all over it. She picked up neck chain to work with at home and one of the racks they weren’t using. She got some shirts, some ties, a couple pairs of trousers another pair of overalls and some men’s oversized t-shirts. She was finally just getting what she liked.

When she got home she threw out all her old clothes. She was starting fresh. She could hear Michael composing, through the wall. She guessed it was composing as he would keep pausing. He kept hitting a bum note. It drove Holtzmann past the point of irritation so much so that she stormed into his room a few minutes later.

“You know that it is meant to be an F# and not an F natural so why do you keep playing it wrong?!”

“I wanted to see if you’d notice and also because I needed to ask where the nearest supermarket is?”

“Why not just ask me like a normal person?”

“Duh! Hello! None of us are normal in this house.” That much was true.

“Okay it’s about two blocks west.”

“Want to come with me?”

A friend was asking her to do something with her… She didn’t really want to go but she had read that friends do things with other friends even when they didn’t want to. “Yes. Let me get changed.”

Holtz changed into some black shorts and an oversized t-shirt and put on her new monkey boots.

She met Michael by the door.

“Hey! Woah! Liking the new style!”

“Really? Do you mean it?”

“Yes! Why would I lie?”

“Because you wanted to not hurt my feelings or you thought it would be funny.”

“Oh well I wasn’t. It’s different I like it.”

“Thank you. You look nice.”

“Thanks. C’mon let’s go.”

They went out. He bought his daily shop which was very heavily protein based which explained the weights in his bedroom. She picked up some salted Pringles. She just couldn’t say no to those salted parabolas.

She helped him home with the shopping and when they arrived back there were two more people in their house. Brother and sister. Daisy and Ryan Stevenson.

Daisy was taking English literature. Ryan was taking History. They both seemed nice enough. They didn’t seem to leave each other’s side, but Jillian had known this to be common amongst twins.

Then a couple hours later the last roommate walked through the door. Emily. She was taking a Chemistry course. She seemed hippy and popular, which was odd for a girl attending MIT 2 years early but there she was with the latest clothing, a pink camouflage top with a matching choker necklace and boyfriend jeans. She looked like a clone of Lizzie McGuire to Holtzmann. But there was something about her. But she would find out what it was soon enough.

16

Over the next couple of months everyone started to settle in. Life was good. She had fitted into a routine. She was fitting in with these people more than any people she had met before. She had the privilege of calling Michael one of her best friends.

Daisy and Ryan took a while to settle in. They both seemed to like her enough. When they would get too much of each other Daisy would sometimes go into Michael’s room. Or other times Ryan would come into Jillian’s room and take a seat on her window sill and curl up with a book. It was a comfortable silence. He would become engrossed in his books; 1491: New Revelations of the Americas before Columbus, by Charles C. Mann or The Tudors by G. J. Meyer. Ryan read very quickly. Even faster than Jillian, absorbing every word of information. His vocabulary was very expansive. However, he wasn’t really one for talking. Jillian rarely spoke to him if it wasn’t just the two of them. But when they were alone they would have long deep conversations. He taught Jillian about the British monarchy, and the names of all the Kings and Queens. He seemed to like British History more than American. Jillian taught Ryan how to fix his spark plug when his car would break down. Jillian was pretty sure he listened to each word intently and took it all in but Ryan could barely put a plug in a socket let alone fix his spark plug. He was also one of her close friends.

 It was weird to have those now. “Friends.” It took a while to get used to things. They are always asking for things. Asking how you are. Wanting you to do things with them. Asking you to help them. Stealing vital parts of the car parts she was fixing. Yes it may have been child play to make another part out of things from the dump from around the corner, but it was the fact they had entered her bedroom and taken something. What else had they touched? Were they moving her things? The unanswered questions unnerved Holtzmann and put her on edge for about a week.

Daisy had a job at the library a couple of blocks away. It was incredibly useful. Jillian would give her a list of books to order and a few days later Daisy would come back with them, and once she was done they would go back to the library with Daisy. The two of them had only gotten into a fight once. Daisy had eaten one of her specific meals of the day. It completely ruined Holtzmann’s eating schedule. It messed everything up. She was repeatedly told that it didn’t matter, and that she could borrow some of Daisy’s food once she had gone shopping. Jillian binned all the meals for the rest of that week and didn’t eat again for 3 days until it was Sunday. Food shopping day with Michael.

She and Michael were the closest. He also played violin, amazingly well and could fiddle about on the guitar. He was never interested in her engineering and she was never interested in his music. Yet she would go to his concerts and clap enthusiastically. He would come to her work presentations and listen intently. They went food shopping together on Sundays. For Christmas she made him an amplifier for his guitar out of some scrap pieces she had in a box on top of her wardrobe. Sometimes she would see parts at the auto shop or on the street which she threw into a box thinking they would be useful. And as it turned out they were. He loved it. He had gotten her a broach of sorts. It was a metal circle with a ‘U’ in it. And under it was a screw soldered. ‘Screw U.’ it was hilarious. She had gotten the joke immediately. It genuinely made her laugh out loud and Michael was one of the only people who could do that. She wore it nearly every other day.

Now Emily was a different story. Emily and Jillian argued constantly. Emily constantly talked to her about boys and all her friends outside the house when Jillian was trying to work. She was in some ways annoying but in most ways infuriating. She took Jillian’s book, always picked on the way she dressed, degraded her food choice and most irritating of all would argue with her about Maths. It drove Jillian crazy. She would poke her head in Holtz’s room and tell her that her calculations were wrong. Or she would clearly forget about the laws of atomic particle physics and get an equation wrong and refuse to listen to Jillian’s answer. She would leave dirty plates and cups everywhere. Her room always smelt like someone had set of a flower bomb and she left her clothes everywhere too. The only good thing about her was the fact that she would sometimes bring chemicals back from her internship and wouldn’t notice if Jillian stole them to use or test out.

Jillian herself had never been better. Classes were going better than great even though they were getting more and more difficult. Her professors loved her. She had all her work in on time. She had tools and bits and bobs to work with at home. And she had gotten a job at a small local auto repair shop. She picked up shifts whenever she wanted and the pay was great. Plus she was allowed to keep the tips because she was just that quick. Remy a boy who was an apprentice there who was 18 always made her tea. She liked Remy. Emily always gushed to her about how ‘hot’ he was. In fact her exact words were…”Oh my god. That Rutty- Remy guy is so fit. I mean the thick black hair, manly hands and muscle, and that one cute dimple and don’t even get me started on those overalls. Jillian seriously you need to hop on that or I swear I will…” even though every time she met him she couldn’t say a word.

But all in all life was good. She rang her mom frequently and would write to her dad, sometimes in German. She kept buying the clothes she liked.  She was happy. It stayed this way for two years.

Little Bits and pieces over the next two years…

Jillian rapped on Emily’s door.

“Emily!” She opened the door a crack poking her head round to a very angry Holtzmann.

“What’s up? Why are you all dirty?”

“Guess what… Someone changed some of my calculations on my whiteboard. And now the transformer I built has blown up because the power pack was getting so much energy that the wires melted! Blowing up the power pack!”

“Look is this going to take long because I have company so…”

“Take long?! I could have died!”

“Well you had missed out squaring the current so I had to take the cubic root of the-“

“Are you crazy? That is the wrong FORMULA! This is why you take Chemistry and I DO the Physics and engineering!”

“Oh well it’s your fault anyway, you didn’t label the units… anyway I have to get back to-“

“No it’s not! I knew the units and you were meant to be nowhere close to my room. And really? Another boy toy Emily? What is he? Number 13?”

“Well he wouldn’t have to be Number 13 if you had talked me up to Remy! Again all your fault!”

“You know what… Maybe I didn’t want to talk you up to Remy because I know that 1.) Remy doesn’t like you!  2.) Ryan DOES like you and 3.) That every time you get a new jerk boyfriend it breaks his heart…”

“You know what… Fuck off Jillian! You’re such a bitch!”

“Excuse me?!” Emily slammed the door. “You Bitch!” And that was the first time Jillian had said it and meant it.

Later that night, Jillian was in bed replaying the day. She no longer had a sleeping schedule. The more she grew up and spent time with people the less dependent she was on a routine. She heard her door open and close. She sat up in bed turned on the lamp and there stood in front of her was Emily. Clad in her pyjama shorts and string top.

“What do you wa-“But Jillian was cut off by Emily’s lips on hers.

Jillian broke off the kiss. “What are you doing?” Emily’s pupils were wide.

“Going with it.” Emily kissed her again and Jillian found herself opening up to her. Letting her tongue slip inside her mouth. Leaning back at the small push on her shoulders on to the bed.

It was messy and all happened so quickly. Emily’s clothes came off and then Jillian’s. She had never experienced anything like it before. Sure she had read about it. Learnt about it. Even seen it once while unlucky enough to look through a neighbour’s window but never experienced it.

Her body was filled with want and it was a new sensation for her. The feel of hands tweaking her nipples. Open kisses on her neck. Warmth spreading between her legs; pool of damp on Emily’s.

It wasn’t long before she could feel Emily’s hands run down her body and slip between her folds. Jillian gasped at the new sensation which controlled her body, arching it with need.

Jillian let out a moan once Emily had found her clit. She did it subconsciously. It sent ache through her thighs and made her close her eyes in pleasure arching into Emily’s hand.

“Oh my god… Emily… Keep going… Jesus!”

“Do you like it?”

! Y-Yes… I do…”

And then Emily slipped two fingers inside her entrance.

“Oh my god! I –Emily I…”

“Swear. I like it when you swear.”

“Shit. Oh my god… Fuck…”

Emily kissed Jillian feeling that she was getting closer and closer so she curled he fingers up to her g spot and quickened her pace.

“I’m… Oh shit! I’m … Fuck- Oh f-fuck!”

“Are you cumming? Cum for me Jill.”

“I’m…I’m cumming… I- Shit… EMILY! Fuck! Oh my god…” Holtzmann climaxed and pleasure rippled through her body tensing all her muscles simultaneously. Emily curled her finger prolonging the come down of Jillian’s orgasm. “What the fuck was that?”

Emily replied with open mouthed kisses on Jill’s neck. She slowly slip her fingers out and held them up to her mouth and licked them. “You taste good.”

“I do? I do.”

“Yeah. You do.” For some reason Jillian found it extremely hot so she place her palm over Emily’s mound ad started making small circles.

“Jillian you don’t have to…”

“No I want to.”

“Okay…”

Jillian slipped her fingers between Emily’s folds and she groaned. She wanted Emily to feel as good as she just was.

She circled her entrance teasing her gently, until Emily started to writhe under her.

“Please… Jillian. I need more. Please?”

“What do you want? Tell me.”

“I want you to … I want you to go inside.” And just like that Jillian thrust in two fingers curling them up just like Emily did. “Shit! Ohhh… Jillian! Oh my Fuck! Fuck! Don’t stop! Please…”

Jillian quickened her pace going faster. “Oh my god… Jill! Fuck! What the… You feel so good.. Jill I think… I’m gonna cum… Don’t stop! Wait no!” Jillian pulled out for her slip up her folds.

“Jillian please, I’m so close…”

And the Jillian circled her clit, increasing her pressure a little and gradually getting faster. She whispered in Emily’s ear out of pure animal instinct “Cum for me. Now.”

And as if on cue she did. “FUCK! Oh my … Arrghhh... Fuck…. Ahh.”

Jillian flicked her nub once more and Emily let out another cry and then they both flopped on to the bed exhausted.

After a couple minutes of recovery Jillian turned to Emily in the small single bed. “So are you going to tell me what this was about?”

“Well if I’m honest, you get under my skin and after that rant at the door my guy left and I had all this pent up sexual frustration. And I just had the urge to come in and show you who is who. But when I came in all I wanted to do was kiss you so I did and … here we are…”

“All we do is argue. We have nothing in common?”

“True but we both do know how to fuck.” They both chuckled.

“Really was I that good?”

“If I’m honest? Yes. I mean I came in under three minutes. I’m pretty sure that’s a record.”

“Why? How long does it usually take you?”

“Around twenty minutes. Usually. What about you?”

It just dawned on Jillian that Emily didn’t know she was a virgin. But she didn’t want to make a big deal of it and neither of them clearly liked each other in that way anyway. “Oh I don’t know around the same I guess… Am I your first girl?”

“No there has been one other. Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Can this stay between us?”

“Yes of course. To be fair I didn’t really see us going to see movies together and having dinner together and working together. So I don’t mind.”

“Great. Awesome… So I guess I should go. Don’t want to get caught in the morning… Goodnight Jill…” She said gathering her things and making her way to the door.

“Goodnight Emily.” And then the door shut.

They never spoke of that night again. They argued less. They got on better. Emily even got her some salted pringles. 4 months later Emily and Ryan began dating.

Little bits and pieces part two

Seeing Ryan and Emily together was kind of perfect but every time she saw them being cute together she felt a pang go off in her heart.

Then one day the pangs stopped as Remy from the repair shop had asked her out on a date to the cinema. It took her by surprise as she had never seen Remy like that but, what could be the harm, she thought to herself.

First date was a trip to the cinema. A second date was teaching her to swim. And the third was ordering food to her shared house to watch a film. It was going well so far. He had kissed her on the first date, and on the second they had made out under a shower at the pool. Both times were nice. They were okay but Holtz didn’t really feel anything.

It felt like kissing a friend, it felt like she was kissing Michael. It just didn’t feel like it did with Emily. _Maybe Emily was different because she was a girl?_

It was on their third date that they ended up in Jillian’s bed. It was awkward and she didn’t feel hot or aroused but she continued anyway. Clothes came off and they were both on the bed. The bed her and Emily once shared.

She could see he was obviously hard. He was between her legs lining himself up when he spoke. “You’re so beautiful. I’m so glad you went on those dates with me.”

“Wait… Remy…”

“What’s the matter are you alright?” He looked at Jillian with wide worried eyes. He didn’t want to take advantage of her and genuinely liked her. He thought that she was into this too. He was a nice person. He cared for her. She wanted to try. So she chose a different reply.

“Do you have a condom?”

“Yes. Yes of course. Sorry, one minute.” He grabbed one from his wallet and slid it on. “Okay.” He said getting back into position. “Are you ready?” he said lining up. “Do you want to do this?”

“Yes…” Holtz replied. Maybe she would get into it.

And then he entered her. Slowly stretching her around his cock. Holtz nails dug into his back as pain shot through her centre. She bit her lip to hold back her yelp and put her head on his shoulder to hide her face.

“Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”

“No… no its okay keep going…”

He pulled out and back in slowly building up a rhythm. _Maybe I’m just not in the mood._

He slowly started to get faster, groaning her name every now and again.

“Ugh… Jill… You know you’re so beautiful right?” He said sweeping back a piece of her hair. Jillian kissed him and he kissed back tenderly.

It wasn’t long till he was groaning her name over and over as he came. He flumped down and Jill held him, slowly brushing her fingers through his hair. He kissed her on the cheek and then on the lips.  “Are you okay? That was amazing.”

“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine and yeah it was…”

“Okay I’m going to go clean up I’ll be back in a second. Don’t move.” He nipped into the bathroom, cleaned up and climbed back into bed spooning her from behind and kissing her neck.

10 minutes later he was asleep and 2 hours and 12 minutes after that, so was Holtzmann.

Remy left the next morning after making her breakfast. His kindness and sweetness was tearing Jill apart. She didn’t understand. He was nice, sweet, smart and handsome but she didn’t feel anything. Plus she was sore from last night because he wasn’t bad in that department either.

The next day Remy came to the house with a bouquet of flowers in hand. Jillian had to do it now or it would be too late.

It was hard and awkward but she did it. He was heartbroken as he still handed her the flowers and told her “I’ll see you at work.” Giving her one last peck on the cheek before leaving.

Afterwards Jillian ran into her room and cried. She didn’t know why. Maybe it was because she was scared of losing a friend. Or maybe it was because she had just hurt someone who had been nothing but nice to her.

19

It was a six year course however Jillian was going to finish it 2 and a half years early. However she still had the year’s internship to complete. After passing with flying colours she sat down to choose what type of internship she wanted to pursue.

She saw a particularly appealing international one for 11 months based in Grenoble Institute of Technology in Grenoble France. And then another 7 in the Moscow National Research Nuclear University MEPhI.

_How hard could it be to learn French and Russian?_

So over her summer holidays she studied both languages as she was accepted on the course. Her parents were extremely proud as they only had to pay 15% of the fee as Holtzmann was accepted on a scholarship which covered most of her fees.

French was easier to learn than Russian but it took her only 4 months to learn both. She had a knack for them apparently.

The time soon came. She said good bye to her friends and family. Promising to keep in touch including Remy.

20

When Holtz arrived in France she was meted greeted and then rushed off to her apartment. On the desk was an itinerary and it was for two days from then. So she spent her free time checking in with friends. Calling Michael. Writing to her mama and papa. Unpacking. Getting some shopping done. It was a fresh start.

On the day of her initiation she was greeted with other interns. Each of them would have a mentor for the whole year and a half who would travel with them to Russia as well. The names of the mentor were listed off as she heard her name. “Jillian Holtzmann, MIT, Mrs Rebecca Gorin.

Some other intern then leaned over to her. “Woah you’re lucky. I heard she’s good but a bit wacky. I’m Jemma by the way. And you are?”

“Holtzmann, Jillian Holtzmann.”

“Hey. We should go out some time. I’m from England so I don’t really have any friends round here.”

“Yeah that would be cool.”

“You’re from America right?”

“New York, Long Island.”

“Oh cool! I’m from Manchester. It’s kind of near-“

“I know where it is. It’s in Lancashire right?”

“Yes. How did you now that?”

“General knowledge I guess.”

“Or you’re just super smart and read a lot.”

“Okay not to brag but probably the second one.” They both laughed. “Well I have to go. What’s your number? I’ll text you.”

“Oh yeah sure it’s …” Jillian gave her number.

“Perfect. Anyway we have to go see our mentors. I’ll see you after okay?”

“Yes. Sure. Perfect. Bye.”

“Bye” And with a little wave Jemma was gone.

Jillian was led through 4 corridors and two rooms before standing outside a lab labelled ‘Dr. R. Gorin. Nuclear Engineer PhD.’

She knocked on the door but gained no response. It was probably due to the fact that she could hear all sorts happening behind that door. Metal clanging on metal. Swears of presumably Dr. Gorin after burning herself. A blow torch.

Jillian couldn’t hold her excitement anymore. So she entered. Dr Gorin had wild brown mousey hair. She wore a lab coat and thick gloves with her safety goggles perched on her head amongst the messy curls.

“Dr Gorin?”

“Yes. Spit it out. I’m busy what do you want? If you’re looking for English Literature you have the wrong building and room. This is F Block and you are looking for C Block capeesch?”

“No. I think you’re mistaken. You are meant to be my mentor. I’m Jillian Holtzmann.”

“Holtzmann? Oh yes of course. I just didn’t expect you to be… well you!”

“Well I am not myself right now you see?”

“… That sounds familiar…”

“Alice and Wonderland. I thought it was funny. Because you thought I was an English major.”

“Hilarious.” Gorin said with no hint of sarcasm in her voice and it deeply confused Jillian. “So, what would you liked to be addressed as? Holtzmann? Holtz? Jillian? Jill? Anything but J. Ho or I swear down you can leave this lab right now.”

“Oh Holtzmann would be just fine. And you?”

“Dr Gorin will do. Right now here are the rules. You learn the syllabus yourself. I don’t have time to baby you through the step. You read this list of books. You learn it. You understand it. That last one is important. This should take you about 3 month’s tops however I don’t know about you. Once finished, come into the lab. I will have a table laid out for you with all the necessary appliances. You will build me a radiation shield unit to fit that nuclear particle fusion accelerator. I trust you to make it work and if it doesn’t than well we can look forward to our skin burning off of us and our organ liquidising as we throw them up. You may come to me for help only three times during your reading period. How’s that sound?”

“Where’s the library? Three months is ample. And only three times for help. Okay.”

“Down the hall two lefts a right, down two flights of stair, through the locked door pinned 2-7-4-8-5-8 and then two rights and up a flight of stairs and another right. Got it?”

“Absolutely.”

“Good. I’ll see you in three months.”

“Three months. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Jillian’s mind was racing the quickest it had in a while. She hadn’t read any of the books that Dr Gorin had given her before and that unnerved her.

However in the space of two months, she had read all the books, started a relationship with her now girlfriend Jemma and had been fiddling and had written home a couple times. Everything was perfect. Until it wasn’t.

Her letters from Michael had stopped coming. She called his phone and he wouldn’t pick up. Eventually she called Daisy, and she had told her some terrible news. In a way it was good she finished a month early, because the news she was about to receive sent her into Holtzmann’s stage of depression.

“Holtz… Michael died… Yeah about 2 days ago… He was on his way to a concert and was running late. Turns out the business man in the car was also late for a meeting and didn’t see Michael crossing because of the heavy rain we’ve been having… He didn’t even stop. His meeting was more important. He hasn’t even apologised … Holtz? It was very quick and sudden. It didn’t last long… by the time ambulances arrived at the scene Michael had passed… I’m so sorry Holtzmann… I should have called but…I just… Holtz?”

It felt like a brick had just hit Holtzmann. Like tiny parts of her heart were being ripped away one by one. She breathed heavily, holding back her tears that started to flood her vision. “Daisy? What was his name?”

“Whose name?”

“The business man’s…”

“Chuck Osbourne… but Holtzmann are you alright I know he meant a lot-“

“-When’s the funeral?”

“… Two days from now at the local church. You know All Saints?”

“Yes. I’ll be there.”

“Holtzmann please don’t shut me out. Talk to me. Please? I know it’s hard but it has been for all of us.”

“Thank you Daisy. I’ll see you soon… Good bye.”

“Holtz-“But Jillian had already closed the phone.

It tore Jillian apart. Michael was gone. He couldn’t be. She spoke to him the other day, checking how his new audition went. They had been writing to each other. He couldn’t be gone. But he was.

He was her first best friend, and if she thought about it, her only best friend. But he had left… _No … He was taken._

Jillian couldn’t help the tears streaming down her face and accumulating at her chin. _I should have stayed in America and been there with him. But she wasn’t. She was in France. With Jemma. And Dr Gorin._

_How could I be so selfish?_

Jillian didn’t know how to handle herself. She had never lost anyone before. Her hands had subconsciously wrapped around her necklace that she wore most days but vowed to herself to never take it off again. And then she couldn’t take it anymore. Her back hit the wall and she slid down it hitting the ground with a thump. She wailed and cried and sobbed begging herself to wake up from this nightmare. To wake up just across the hall from where Michael slept so they could go get there food shopping together. So he could play her his piece that he had been working on since they had met which was so beautiful the birds stopped singing. Memories of their time together flashed before Holtzmann’s eyes.

“Hi. My name’s Michael. I’m sorry I didn’t think anyone would be here yet.”

“Hey Jill don’t be upset. Your letter probably got lost in the mail. Your dad will write soon.”

“JILL! I’m not kidding I just got offered a place I know! Will you come watch me perform?”

“Jillian! Will you come listen to this, I’m composing a new piece. What do you think?”

“I loved your little presentation! Didn’t understand a word of it but hey it’s the taking part that counts…”

“Hey I saw some salted pringles on offer so I picked you up 6 tubes. Too much?”

“Sometimes I’m so jealous of you Jill. You seem to have it all worked out. Plus you’re my little brainbox.”

“Merry Christmas Jill! Here. A piece for your quirky style. Get it? Screw you?”

“Hey, want to go see this film? It just came out. Spider man 2?”

“Jillian! I’m so jealous! You know you’re very pretty for a nerd right?”

“It’s okay… You did the right thing. If you aren’t into it he will understand. Remy will still like you, don’t worry!”

“Jill, I don’t know if I can do this. It’s just… It’s so hard because… Just thank you for sitting with me.”

“Why do you talk like the tannoy? Maybe you should apply for that job here instead. _Jillian Holtzmann, Tannoy voice Expert._ Oh lighten up! I’m just saying. Wouldn’t hurt to become a little more colloquial! I’m going to introduce you to the dos and don’ts of sarcasm…”

“Jillian. The toaster blew up… Again! I have already bought two. Fix this one or I will make you sit through a 4 hour concert of folk music!”

“Jill! This is amazing! You know that right! You have to take this! I mean its France AND Moscow! You have to go! I support you, but you have to write to me all the time okay?”

But this was reality. And in reality Holtzmann was alone, in her apartment, in a foreign country, with no familiar faces and on her floor tearing at her t-shirt. Why had the universe done this too him? But it wasn’t the universe. It was Chuck Osbourne. Her cries were replaced with red hot anger and fury. She got to her feet and lashed out at her surroundings. Effectively trashing her apartment, destroying the blue prints she was thinking of. Smashing her prototypes.

She lay in her wreckage. Exhausted. Angry. Sad. Furious. Upset. Heart broken. Torn apart. Shattered. Tired. Crying. Sleeping.

Her sleep brought nightmares, guilt and regret but also vengeance. It gave her ideas as it usually did. But it wasn’t for particle fusion accelerators boson divider, but for pure revenge.

She immediately bought a ticket to New York. She informed her parents that she was coming home for a two weeks and that she would see them soon.

Her plan was in action. The next day on the plane, Holtzmann had an A4 pad of paper and a pen. She set herself to work, planning everything to the last minute. She had gone to the library the previous night to check out a laptop to borrow. And spent the evening packing and planning. She soon landed in the airport where she was greeted by Ryan. They caught up and everything was relatively quiet.

She was dropped home to be greeted by her parents but she wasn’t staying long but she was so Jet lagged and the funeral was tomorrow. Plus she still had planning to do.

She slept for 9 hours straight waking up a three am. She finished her plan and got ready for the day ahead.

The Funeral was full. Everyone loved Michael and Daisy had informed her that she should give a eulogy but Michael had left her something special. Holtzmann in her black trousers top and blazer shyly walked up to the coffin where she lay a hand on top, before turning to the expecting crowd.

“H-Hello...” The congregation’s eyes were trained on her. “Michael, he was my first best friend. Before him I never had friends. No-one my age to talk to. No-one who understood why I was so weird and abnormal. But all… but all this ch-changed when I met Michael. He- was one… of the k-kindest people I’d ever met…” Tear flooded her vision as her voice cracked.

“He taught me so much. Something that I couldn’t learn in a book. He taught me it was okay t-to be myself. And that I didn’t have to keep to my routine life but that I could have fun… That I could be there for someone else and they could be there for me…” She looked towards the coffin and then to the piano.

“Michael was an amazing musician. And as a dedication to him I am going to play for you all today. I don’t very often so forgive me if I go wrong. This first piece is a piece that Michael has left for me. It was his self-composed piece for his course that he dedicated to me and I am so thankful,”

Holtzmann sat at Michael’s old keyboard. The same one that she had first heard him play on. He had played these keys so often and it stirred her emotions but she stayed strong. Her fingers brushed over the keys and then pressed.

The piece was breezy and calculated. Each note harmonising with another crossing paths at unexpected time and creating new sounds. It was quirky and serious and beautiful and dangerous. Not all the notes complimented each other but sounded like they were always meant to be that way.

When she was finished the crowd was silent.

“This next piece is something I have written for Michael.” It was simple elegant and kind. The bass filling in the spaces of the melody. Using chromatic scales. It was a culmination of Michael. Kind, elegant, smooth, warm, free flowing and happy. Most of all happy. When she was finished her face was wet with tears and she couldn’t even bare to look at the crowd. She stood, placed the sheet music in his coffin. She kissed her hand and placed it on his cold lifeless cheek.

Turns out Hollywood got it wrong. When people die they don’t look like they are asleep. They look lifeless. There isn’t an actor in the world who could get it right. Michael was gone but he also looked at rest. But that wasn’t how she wanted him. She wanted him hugging her, telling her it would be okay. He gave the best hugs.

It was then that Jillian felt a warmth wrap around her from behind, like two arms circling her, pulling her into an embrace just like Michaels. But there was nothing there. But she could feel it. Holding her tightly putting the hairs on the back of her neck on end. _It can’t be…_

“Michael?” She whispered and the hold tightened and then released her.

It stunned her. She didn’t blink once until the service had ended, a million possibilities were running through her head. _Was it really him?_

The service soon ended. She gave her condolences to his parents and left swiftly. She had other plans.

She stopped off at the drug store, the super market and the hardware store ticking each item off her list.

_This is for you Michael._

The next two days were spent locked in her room, vigorously planning and researching.

The plan was simple. Destroy Chuck Osbourne’s life. Legally.

That was the important bit. Legally. Michael would never forgive her if she didn’t find a way to do so legally.

He wouldn’t want her to risk her future.

Charles George Osbourne. Millionaire. Business man. CEO of Frames Named ltd.

Arsehole. _He killed my Michael. For a meeting…_

He had the perfect life. A nuclear family. A good image in the media. A decent business. Michael’s story had been casually brushed over by the media. Jillian suspected it had something to do with Chuck’s powerful connections with the police.

But it didn’t matter because he was going to feel the pain of justice.

Jillian had broken into his database and located his calendar. He was away on the Saturday evening. _Perfect._

Jillian had one thing left to do. It was the one thing she had been debating for a while. But whilst making the plan she had become dead set on it.

She looked in the mirror, her hands either side of the sink. The scissors were on one side and electric razor on the other.

One by one she cut off her blonde locks her mother had insisted on her keeping. But no more as each strand fell with the slice of the blades. Each snip she heard was music to her ears as she watched the hair fall to the bathroom tiles

It was all mismatched lengths of tufts of blonde when she turned on the razor. She shaved what little she had left off. It was like a rebirth as the sink slowly filled.

She stared at her naked self in the mirror. It was now only a buzz of blonde just off of her scalp. It was like breaking off the last chain that held her to her old self. She was now Holtzmann.

**Saturday Evening:**

Jillian had interrupted the connection of the CCTV to loop Friday night’s footage instead of Saturday’s. Chuck and his security were with him at a gala. His family were staying down south for the next three months. It was the perfect opportunity.

The alarm was easy enough to disable and the lock was loud enough to pick. It was a doddle. _Maybe this is the life I should have led?_

_Anyway enough of that. Let’s fuck this guy up._

First it was to his pantry. She put laxatives in his coffee maker, his milk and one of the pipes in his fridge which supplied water.

Next was his shampoo and conditioner. She put a hair lightening bleach in the conditioner and hair removal in his shampoo. His body wash was expensive and smelt amazing but that didn’t stop her from putting chilli seeds and capsaicin in it. He was going to burn. And for a long time, since she coated his light switches in it too.

She replaced all the lightbulbs with ones with loose fuses to blow the mains. She switched the labels and wiring in the mains so that each time he went to reboot it his alarm would ring out on the highest setting and would blow the backup generator.

She adjusted the pressure of the sprinklers so much that they could crack one of his windows if it hit. She rewired his smart house settings and locked them. In summer now his house was kept at a cool 85F and in winter it was a warm 35F. The underfloor heating could now only be put on burning hot or not at all.

His mail box was welded shut. His car tyres were deflated at different pressure on each one. She replaced his Gas with water. She added a few little marks onto his number plate, just in the right place to confuse the cameras around America labelling his car under police surveillance.

She adjusted the suspension so it wouldn’t sit straight. The axel was adjusted to make it a little harder to steer straight. She dialled back his speedometer so that if he was going 50 kph it showed up as 80 kph.

She sewed up some of his pockets on some of his more expensive suits and put itching powder in the armpits. She found his phone details in a filing cabinet. _Bonus!_

She added him to on to the internet’s porn sites.. The add read: Chuck, 61, looking for someone to fuck! Now! We can do it in the pool, on a bed full of money, anywhere. I just want you in me now! Come visit me at the address below. P.S Don’t even ask, just begin! I know what you’re here for. Just take me on the doorstep.

_That should be fun to deal with._

She ordered too many items from Ann Marie to his home address. 57 cabs were scheduled to drop by on specific dates and times that coincided with his calendar. But these cabs would take him places such as Canada, Seattle and South Dakota.

His tooth brush had spent a good 3 minutes up her arse. It was uncomfortable but worth it. She replaced his daily vitamins with oestrogen.

The meanest thing she may have done and least legal was plant drugs around his apartment. Not to be found but to just get him a scent for it. It was infused into his air conditioning. It would wear out after about three weeks. A week before his family returned so they wouldn’t be caught in the crossfire. He was the target. Not them.

She was finally finished. She was going to ruin him without touching him.

And she didn’t feel a shred of remorse. If the system wasn’t going to serve justice, she was. And this could potentially cost him a lot of money, adding up the costs of the three cars she had tweaked. It could have repercussions for years to come. And she was proud, and certainly didn’t give a fuck.

Two days later she was on a plane back to France. She had been successful and she knew it. There literally wasn’t anything that could lead back to her. She had worn a protection suit, goggles, a mask, gloves and shoes without prints on. Her hair wasn’t a problem either.

When she returned to France she was a different girl. She was colder. Leaner. More focused. Jemma had broken up with her and she didn’t feel remorse. In fact she didn’t feel a thing. Michael had taught her how to feel.

He wouldn’t want this.

_But Michael’s not here._

She threw herself into work. Closing herself from the outside world. Rarely talking to anyone apart from Dr Gorin, her parents, the twins and Emily.

Her love life would appear to be normal but was anything from it. She would go to bars when she was lonely and a whole different persona would overcome her as she roped in countless one night stands.

She was flirty and cheeky. She would throw a wink and the guys and girls would come running. She preferred girls. She knew how to please them and them her. But guys just knew how to please themselves.

Usually it was fine, but her amount of good experiences also came with bad ones where girls had gotten to clingy and wanted more that she couldn’t give or where guys had become too rough, taking things she didn’t want to give but felt compelled to. Sometimes they would just take her without asking what she was comfortable with, using her as their toy. As if they deserved pleasure from her and she was obliged to do it, no matter how much it hurt, or the bruises she got from it, or when she had pleaded them to stop.

And then there was the night in the alleyway…

There were some memories that would come back to her when she slept or saw the bruises on her body. But there were some that she looked back on fondly.

She was falling but no-one knew or cared, and when she moved to Moscow it became even worse. She slept with women even less leaving her to the brutality of the men looking for a hook up. Some were so kind. She remembered one often. He had taken her to a hide and seek tournament the morning after. It was such an odd request that she couldn’t really say no.

But even the bright spots of sunshine she gained were not bright enough to drive out the darkness. Until she finished her course. She was awarded with her Doctorate and now had a PhD in Nuclear Engineering and Physics but after she was done, she didn’t know what to do with herself.

Dr Jillian Holtzmann, 22, PhD in Nuclear Engineering and a Masters in Physics. Fluent in English, French, Russian and German.

But she had achieved her goals. And had none left. She hadn’t a clue what to do. She had a list of offers. A long list of them, but didn’t want to look at them, so she didn’t.

She went to work at CERN for a couple of months but it didn’t work very well. There was an accident in the lab. She was pretty sure that he was in a coma at the moment. But he would wake up! Probably…

She returned home and rented herself a shoe box apartment in New York. She visited her parents, the twins, and Emily often. She coasted by in a job at an auto repair shop. It seemed to be the place she always circled back to. Fixing a car in a darkened room.

The next year and a half was spent with her family and friends making a few connections and trying to rebuild herself. Since returning to NYC she had learnt that Mr Chuck Osbourne lost an 86 million dollar deal. He lost all his hair. He had weak bowel movements and needed a regulated diet of mush on a spoon. He grew man boobs, gained a lot of weight and had to make several costly repairs to his house and possessions. He had finally made front page for crashing his car whilst using weed.

His axel broke. Minor injuries and was released on bail and was probably looking at a hefty fine. It was the best outcome Jillian had hoped for however it didn’t feel as good as she thought it would.

Her family and friends was all she had until darkness came to consume her again.

Her mother had a heart attack.

It was completely out of the blue. She was ironing her outfit for Sunday church when it happened. Her father was at work when it happened.

It hit her and her family hard.

She had no emotion. The darkness swallowed her. She was losing everyone. Everyone was disappearing around her. She attended the funeral and stood in the front pews crying silently letting the tears fall but showing no emotion.

And then she felt a warm hand rest on the short hair on her head, slide to her cheek and brush her cheek with a thumb, squeezing and then letting go.

_Mama?_

A few weeks past and she knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to look into the topic of the paranormal.

Her father had told her that she was just mourning and wanted her mama back but Jillian knew what she had felt. With Michael and her Mama. But also it was true. She did want them back. She needed them back.

She scrolled through the long list of job offers that had been hanging around for about two years. She remembered the dark place she was in when she was 22 thinking it couldn’t get worse but now being 24, she knew it could.

She looked down the offers

CERN Switzerland – _Maybe, although I’m surprised they want me back. I don’t think that man has woken up yet…_

Assistant at Colombia. _No_

Engineer for Nasa- _No_

…

The list went on until she came across ‘Lab partner and fellow Scientist for study and practice of the paranormal. Engineer wanted. Preferably with experience in Nuclear energy or mechanics.’

Jillian left that moment to find the advertiser. Professor Abigail L. Yates. She worked at the Kenneth P Higgins Institute for Science.

Jillian searched her as she was on route. Abigail had written a book ‘Ghosts from Our Past Both Literally & Figuratively: The Study of the Paranormal.’

_Catchy…_

Holtzmann made her way towards Abigails lab. Inside she found the bench on fire and a small fizzy haired brunette running frantically towards it with a fire extinguisher.

_Hell yeah… This is where I am supposed to be._

And in this moment Jillian decided that she was going to press restart on her life.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there! Hi! I’m Abby! Can I help you?”

“I’m Dr Jillian Holtzmann.” She replied as she shook her Abby’s hands.

“Oh my god! Really? You’re her?”

“Yes. Yes I am.”

“Holy Crap! You came! You had kinda dropped off the grid for a bit there. How long has it been?”

“About two years…” Jillian really didn’t want to have this conversation but in the end didn’t need to.

“Wow! Well welcome back! I’m assuming you’re interested about the job?”

“Yesss. I am.”

“Okay well you’ve got it, with one question.”

“Shoot.”

“Okay. Why did you choose me?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well I know you must have had a lot more offers from much more prestigious people. Why choose me and this?”

“Well… you intrigued me. I have interest in the paranormal. And you seemed like the woman to come to.”

“Oh I AM!  Shit I’m so happy. I didn’t think you would ever reply! Let alone be here! Wow! Well tell me a bit about yourself Holtz!”

“Well… I studied at MIT in Nuclear engineering and experimental particle physics. I then went on to take my PhD in Nuclear engineering in France and Russia. I speak five languages. I am 24 years old and I know a lot about you.”

“Wow five languages?”

“Yep. English, Russian, French, German and Spanish. Although not fluent in Spanish just yet. Give me a couple weeks.”

“A couple weeks?”

“Yes.”

“Shit. You really are a genius aren’t you?”

“So people seem to tell me…”

“So… How much do you know about me?”

“Enough.”

“Such as…”

“Your Name is Abigail L. Yates. Your mother Jocelyn Jones was married to your father Fred Yates both of whom are still alive and live in Chicago. You wrote a book with a ridiculous title with your long-time friend Erin Gilbert who has a PhD in Physics which she has a few more years of in Princeton. You have been deeply passionate about the paranormal since you were 4 years old. You are 28 years old and finished your Doctorate last year. You have been working here for the past six years. You live 20 minutes away on 25th and 5th. Your lunch consists of mostly Chinese food. You’re allergic to nuts and cats. You have avid passion in your work and aren’t very well respected in the scientific community. There’s more but I feel like I should stop.”

“Holy shit you do know a lot about me! Who’d have thought it?” Jillian was shocked by Abby’s reaction. It was refreshing.

“Anyway, Welcome to the team! You start now! So do you know how I can get…”

Abby rambled on about a simple problem on a prototype which Jillian could already see seven different flaws in already.

It was a new start. Her dad was proud and her life was getting back on track.

She could have her dark days, like on the anniversary of her mama’s and Michael’s deaths. Or when she would visit their graves.

The next 5 years flew by in a blur. She and Abby got closer and closer. Learning more about each other. Jillian found herself opening up to Abby more regularly as time passed, telling her about her upbringing, what being a child genius is really like and what moving abroad really did to her. She even confessed to her about what she did to Chuck Osbourne. Talking to Abby over the years and she managed to work out somethings that had plagued her life.

Once, whilst wiring a circuit, Abby asked her out of the blue.

“Holtz are you gay?”

“…” Holtzmann hesitated fiddling with her ‘Screw you’ necklace.

“Holtz I don’t mind. I was just wondering. You don’t really show much interest in guys and you’ve gone home with girls before.”

“I am.”

“Have you slept with a man before?”

“… Yes.”

“You didn’t like it?”

“No… I never did. Not with any of them.”

“How many people have you slept with?”

“Seriously?”

“Fine I’ll go first! 8 guys. No girls. Now you go!”

“… 21 girls. 14 guys…”

“Why do you sound so ashamed about it? Go Holtz!”

“Yeah… I guess.”

“What’s the matter?”

“I… Just not all of them have been enjoyable… I guess.”

“What do you mean? Everyone has those few that you regret.”

“Well I regret everyman I have slept with. I would wipe the slate clean if I could.”

“Really? Were all 14 of them that bad?”

“Well there was one guy… Remy. He was really kind. He was my first guy. It was fine I guess. He was sweet and kind. I still talk to him every now and again but not so much recently.”

“Yeah? That’s nice.”

“And there was one Russian man who took me to a hide and seek tournament after. That was fun. He was kind too.”

“So 2/14? Guess you’ve had an unlucky run with them. Or you just don’t like them.”

“Oh, I knew I was gay from the day I lost my virginity.”

“Then why sleep with all those men?”

“I don’t know. To test the water. To be normal at something I guess. 7/14 were okay. Nothing special, but 5/14 are experiences I wish would leave me alone.”

“Why? What happened?”

“It was nothing.”

“No Holtz tell me.”

“…”

“You can tell me you know.”

“Either they didn’t want to use a condom or they were rough and just used me like a ragdoll. They would hold me in positions I didn’t want to be in and do things I wasn’t comfortable with… Stuff like that I guess.”

“Oh my god! Holtz! Well did you tell them to stop?”

“Of course. I used to cry it. But… but they would just mistake it I guess. It would make them rougher.”

“Well what would they do?”

“Like one time a guy held my hands above my head and groped me. He shoved his cock in me. I had no preparation and it hurt like hell. I cried out but he thought it was ‘sexy’. He said ‘I was asking to be fucked.’ And that I deserved it. Before I knew it he had changed his mind on what type of sex he wanted. It was my first time doing the other type. I even bled. He finished in my mouth, after what seemed like half an hour, not caring if I couldn’t breathe and then he flopped beside me before using my bathroom and thanking me for the night.”

“Shit! Holtz what did you do?”

“I went and sat in the bath whilst the shower rained upon me. It soothed some of the bruises and washed the smell of him off of me. Then I took some painkillers and went to bed.”

“And you didn’t tell anyone?”

“You’re actually the first person I’ve ever told.” And with that Abby ran to Holtz and enveloped her in a hug that squished the air out of her. She felt wet tears stain her overalls.

“H-Holtz I’m so sorry…I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.” Holtz’s voice broke.

“No- It isn’t okay. I’m sorry.”

They hugged in the middle of the Lab for 15 minutes. That was the day Holtz and Abby became best friends.

Over the years Abby wore her hard exterior down and it was like Jillian was back to her old self again. Maybe even quirkier. Which was just how she liked it. It was a new start. Completely fresh.

The day The Ghostbusters started to form was the day that Erin Gilbert walked through the door wearing a tweed suit and skirt and mini bowtie. She recognised her immediately. She had heard about the mysterious back stabbing Erin Gilbert over the years but had never met her.

Abby and Erin were arguing when Abby got distracted by her soup leaving Erin stood by the door.

Holtzmann was intrigued by the wooden looking timid woman who stood before her, igniting her blowtorch.

“You carry a lot of tension in your shoulders.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Come here often?”

“Hello? Who are you?”

Holtzmann stood immediately. So this is the great Erin Gilbert that she had heard so much of over the years. “Holtzmann. Virgo. Avid Skier. Gluten full and 100% Jazzed to meet you!” She held out her hand and Erin shook it.

She was pretty and dorky but timid and quite shy. From what Abby had said was very concerned on how others saw her.

But Holtzmann saw a woman scared of the views of others. This became more and more apparent the more time they spent together. But that was still to come.

Abby came over warning her away from Erin, reciting what Holtzmann had heard her practice if this day ever was to come which elicited an exasperated sigh from Erin.

Abby flaunted Holtz’s abilities. Listing them off as if she was reading of a resume.  Suddenly Erin’s demeanour changed as she praised Holtz of her achievements.

Erin asked what had happened to the job at CERN.

“There was a lab accident.” “But he’s going to wake up!” Abby reminded her.

“He woke up yesterday. Then he screamed and went back into the coma.” _He’ll be fine. He’s just being melodramatic!_ She kept smiling. _Mama always said a smile costs nothing!_

Erin quickly diverted the conversation back on topic asking to speak with Abby but she didn’t want any of it. Holtzmann threw a wink her way. She knew what they could do. _Just want to catch her off guard._

Holtzmann followed her and Abby’s protocol if the situation of Erin ever arose bringing up the EVP. She was genuinely interested and the rouse roped her in in seconds.

It wasn’t long before Erin let information slip about a possibly haunted mansion and they were off.

Whilst talking to Ed Jr, Holtzmann could see Erin trying to not look at her. _It’s a hard task what can I say?_

And the flirting just kept rolling in. From when Holtzmann ate pringles while Erin was getting ecto projected on _although I’m not quite sure if that was flirting._ To when they danced together after seeing a ghost.

Erin got fired and nearly disintegrated them all because of it. But Holtzmann couldn’t help but feel empathy for her because all those asses she kissed could be real jerks at times.

They were kicked out of the institute. But they bought an apartment above a Chinese restaurant.

Holtzmann always played some sort of 80’s music playing. Erin may have been a little concerned when she picked up the blowtorches but the fire was tiny!

Then Kevin had to walk in! She was pretty sure that Erin was straight but his presence just solidified her assumptions. Holtz thought he may have been a robot at first because he was anatomically impeccable. Although she wasn’t too worried as 1. Kevin was gay 2. He was really dumb 3. Erin was an awful flirt 4. Erin didn’t know he was gay.

Holtzmann liked Kevin. His profound stupidity amused her. Plus he seemed like a genuinely nice person. She hadn’t met many of those.

Next came Patty. She was knowledgeable and mouthy. She liked that about her.

The next ghost they saw was in the subway. Her prototype had failed miserably. She needed to do better. Erin almost died. If she hadn’t detached the collar it would have broken her neck.

Whilst the rest of them would watch Kevin, or talk about what some randomer had said on the internet Jillian was stripping wires working harder and faster. _It has to be better._

Holtzmann and Erin had gotten closer so when Patty pulled up with the hearse she had tickled Erin to get her big ideas.

Erin had now started to borrow Holtzmann’s MIT jacket. She used to wear that all the time and now it smelt like Erin. The improvements on the prototypes were highly praised. Especially by MIT hoodie stealer.

All of them became closer the day Abby and Erin shared their backstories. She had heard Abby’s’ before but not Erin’s. Holtz guessed she was opening up more.

Watching Abby and Erin share their presentation was just an excuse to see Erin jive and wiggle to her hearts content. _Adorkable_.

The busters left Erin’s ex-boyfriend, Phil, _Dickhead_ standing in the middle of the street before going on our first bust.

The first bust was one to remember. Erin had tried to remember her Spanish. _She didn’t try very hard._ They had joked about with wigs. Well Holtzmann did and they caught their first ghost. She got to smash a guitar and talk to the press. _A pretty good week really_.

A couple days later Holtzmann had adapted all four proton packs. They were really proud of her. Holtzmann never felt as appreciated anywhere else but with them. Although that same day Martin Heiss got thrown from the window. _So it was an amazing week._

Days started going quicker. Jokes were made and laughed at. Kevin became Holtzmann’s puppy of sorts.

Erin would grab her arm or stare when she wasn’t looking. She would give her more appraisal than anyone else and steal Jillian’s clothes all the time.

There were bad days too. Like the day Abby tried to kill her because she was possessed and her life was dependant on Patty holding onto her. Getting thrown across the floor hurt. _A lot_. But Abby couldn’t help it.

The day the barrier broke was a mix of emotions. She had an amazing fight that looked like it could have been from a movie with an army of ghosts. Erin had saved them from being suffocated by a marshmallow man with the knife she had gotten her, but Holtzmann had also lost Erin and Abby to the barrier. She got them back, but she will never forget that feeling of loss.

From the day of the barrier came very pleasing rewards. The government had given them free reign, so they all bought the firehouse they had their hearts set on at the beginning. Holtzmann had claimed the second floor to herself. Patty wasn’t pleased. So they had come to an agreement. She could have half of the second floor and Abby Erin and Patty would have the other half as long as Holtzmann had the smallest room and didn’t blow much up.

They all started to move in. The first floor was the reception. People could call in. Kevin would read of the specific script Abby had wrote. He was doing okay. There was also Kevin’s apartment, where he and his boyfriend lived. There was also there wall of photos made of newspaper clippings, good and bad, pictures off busts cute special moments from around the lab.

Erin and Abby’s photo of their school science project. One of Abby in an interview for ‘Ghosts from Our Past Both Literally & Figuratively: The Study of the Paranormal.’ There was one of Patty and her uncle at the funeral home. Another of Holtzmann and Abby stood outside the Kenneth P Higgins institute with arms flung around each other’s shoulders with a thumbs up from both of them. One of Holtzmann’s favourites was a snap of her on Kevin’s back after they won a hide and seek tournament. Another of her favourite was one of her and Erin. Erin was covered in slime and was chasing Holtz, threatening to hug her. Abby had captured the hilarious moment.

The second floor was Holtzmann’s Lab (they had nicknamed it ‘No Man’s Land’), Patty’s Windowsill and desk where she would read History books on the windowsill was next to Abby and Erin’s work space where they would joke and work together, scribbling constantly on their huge whiteboard they had installed. It was a good thing the floor space was huge.

The third held the kitchen, living room and bathroom. Well they said bathroom but it was six consecutive showers, six sinks with mirrors above each and three toilet cubicles. It was more of a washroom. Patty joked that it looked like the one in ‘Orange in the new black.’ Holtzmann hadn’t understood at first until Patty introduced her to Netflix.

How she had lived before it she didn’t know. Orange is the new black was her favourite show. She binged all three seasons with the rest of the Busters. It helped that it was mostly just hot chicks locked in prison together. But as the show developed Holtzmann really got into it. Crying when the characters did, laughing at the jokes, understanding the hardships and wanting to know each of their backstories. Alex Vause was her favourite.

The last floor had all of their bedrooms. Erin’s was ridiculously neat. Abby’s had sheets of physics papers plastered everywhere. Patty’s was filled with books and Holtzmann’s had bits and bobs of old circuits and machines. They reflected their personalities perfectly.

Holtzmann’s small crush on Erin grew overtime. She hated it. She knew not to fall in love with straight girls. But she couldn’t help but feel drawn in by her, even more so when Erin found out Kevin was gay.

There had been some times where they comforted each other. The time Erin’s parents had arrived and demanded Erin go back into therapy. They were really harsh, telling her that they were finally proud of her when she was going to be a Professor at Colombia just to feel ‘like karma had caught up with them again,’ when she had got fired.

Holtzmann had stayed with Erin on the couch till the early hours that night. Abby and Patty had to leave on a bust so Holtz had stayed. Erin had cried on her shoulder for hours. It was new to Holtz. She was usually the one breaking down, so she just wrapped her arms around Erin and held her; brought her close to heart and buried her nose in her hair and held her.

Erin fell asleep fairly quickly, exhausted by her emotional rollercoaster, and lulled by the warmth Holtzmann emitted.

They only got closer. Cuddling up on the couch watching Netflix. Saving each other from ghosts. Making victory dances. Erin had never been happier and she had never had as many close friends until Holtzmann disappeared. It was like one moment she was at her workbench setting what used to be the toaster on fire and the next she was nowhere to be found.

“Abby?”

“Yes, Erin! Hey! I’ve been meaning to ask you –“

“I’m sorry Abby but… Have you seen Holtz?”

“Holtz?”

“Yeah. Well yesterday she went out for a ‘boo yah blitz’ smoothie and I haven’t seen her since...”

“Yeah… I wouldn’t worry about her… she’s having some time to herself. If I’m honest she probably won’t be back to her normal self for maybe a week or two. Its May 10th right?”

“Yes but… why? Can’t I see her?”

“It’s probably best not too.”

“But why, Abby?”

“Erin, just leave it…”

“No! Where’s Holtz?”

“Why do you even care so much? You know why? It’s because you like her Erin!”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Oh come off it! Always cuddling up. Tucking your hair behind your ear. Your shoulders tensing and relaxing. Doing that thing where you rub two of your fingers against your thumb.”

“I’m just making sure she is okay!”

“Fine! I’ll tell you. Sit down…” Abby gestured towards the table. They both sat down. “What has Holtzmann told you about her past?”

“She was a child genius. She went to MIT at age 16. She has a Ph.D. in Nuclear Engineering and specialises in Physics. She grew up on Long Island. She speaks Spanish. That’s about it if I’m honest. We don’t really talk about it much.”

“Well, all of that is true. And by the way she speaks five. Today… today is the anniversary of Holtzmann’s mom’s death.”

“Oh-oh my god. How long ago?”

“About 6 years… Do you remember when Holtzmann went away to a convention in Geneva about seven months ago?”

“Yeah. The one on the talk of the large hadron collider.”

“Well, the convention for that was eight months ago. It was the anniversary of the death of one of her best friends. His name was Michael. They were really close. She told me he was like a brother to her. He gave her a sense of humour. Their deaths were what directed Jillian into the path of the paranormal.”

“Oh my. Well how long will she be away for?”

“Not for long. A week and a half tops. She’s not far. She’s on Long Island. With her dad. She needs this. I’ve tried to ask her to stay before but her dad is the only one who can calm her. Remember there was an awful storm about two years ago?”

“Yeah. It was horrible. There was loads of road closures.”

“Yeah well there were no train running and roads were closed so people didn’t have accidents but she was adamant to go. In the end I had to lock all the doors and tell her to stop being stupid. That her dad wouldn’t mind if she was a day or two late and that’s when she told me. She kicked off. Kind of warring with herself. She kept saying she was sorry. She felt like that she could have done more. And then she shut me out for 4 days whilst the storm past. She didn’t eat and occasionally I would find her with a mug of tea. She stayed curled in a ball, I remember her looking so small. But, the day the storm cleared she was gone. I couldn’t find her anywhere. She came back about a week after apologising but there’s a lot you don’t know about Holtzmann. I mean, I know barely know much. So you know next to nothing…”

“Well I wouldn’t say nothing…”

“When’s her birthday?”

“It’s err. It’s May?”

“…”

“The 4th?”

“Seriously? Star wars day?”

“Well she has never told me!”

“Me neither. All I know is that she is 30. She refuses to tell me her birthday.”

“Well I‘ve told everyone my backstory. Everyone knows yours because you’re an open book. For Patty to tell hers we only need to break out the Jack Daniels again. Maybe we should ask to hear Holtzmann’s.”

“I don’t know Erin…”

“Think about it. This isn’t healthy. If we all know what’s been happening to her for the past 30 years then maybe we could help. You guys certainly helped me.”

“Fine. I’ll telly Patty. We will talk to her the day she gets back.”

“Okay…”

**8 Days later…**

Holtzmann walked back into the firehouse.

“Hey Kev! How’s it been? Have they all died horrible deaths without me?”

“Oh you’re back! Three busts whilst you were gone. Don’t you think that a pregnant lady is just a human submarine?”

“Huh! I never thought about it. I guess so. But what about when the pregnant woman is underwater?”

“Well then the baby would be in a blue submarine.”

“Okay Kev I’m gonna let you mull over that one. Where’s the team?”

“2nd floor.”

“Thanks, say hello to Mike Hat for me!”

“He says Meow back.”

“I thought he was a dog.”

“He is.”

“The why does he meow?”

“Well what other sound would he make?”

“Woof?”

“Good one!”

Holtzmann climbed the stairs skipping every other one.

“Hey guys I’m HOME!”

She scanned the room. Abby, Patty and Erin were sat around the table. They all looked so serious.

“Hey guys I wasn’t gone long!”

“Holtzy baby? Sit down?” Patty said gesturing to the chair that was already pulled out.

Jillian dropped her silver shoulder bag in the centre of the room and sat in the empty chair. “What’s up? You all look so serious. Did something blow up? I’m sorry okay but I told you not to go near the new proton whip!”

“No nothing blew up… Holtz, baby, we want to talk about your past.” Patty didn’t blink once.

“My past? Well… Jillian Holtzmann, from Long Island, MIT, PhD and 100% jazzed to be here. What else is there to know?” Holtz was nervous. She was caught off guard. Not expecting this conversation but knew it would come soon enough. They had all shared it was now her turn.

“Holtz it came to my attention yesterday that I know nothing about you…”

“Sure you do!”

“When’s your birthday?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Yes I would!”

“Erin… c’mon it doesn’t matter! It’s just a date! I assure you that I am 30 years old if that’s any consolation.”

“Well it isn’t. Holtz we just want to know more about you that’s all… you know all our stories. Could you share yours?”

“…”

“Please?” She couldn’t say no to Erin’s pleading eyes that bore through her.

“Okay. What do you want to know?”

“Why do you leave every six months?”

“Wow straight into the deep end! Well about six years ago my m-mother died and six months before that my best friend did.”

“Wow well that was easier than I thought it would be.”

“Well if you ask I will answer.”

“Okay then where do you go?”

“To my dad’s on Long Island. It calms me plus it’s nice to speak German again.”

“How many languages do you speak?”

“Five. German, Spanish, English, Russian and French.”

“Wow. When did you learn those?”

“Well I grew up here speaking English. When I was 8 I learnt German, my dad spoke it often to his relatives so it didn’t take me long plus I liked the sound of it. When I was little he would sometimes read to me in German.  When I was 19 I was offered to get my PhD in France and Moscow, so it just made sense to learn those too. And when I met Abby I started to learn Spanish because I once accidently sat on my remote and it change all the speech into Spanish. I couldn’t be bothered to flick through the settings so I decided to learn it anyway. Necesitas practicar tu español. Es terrible. Seriamente. Dios mío.”

“Your car is in Spain but it is terrible for me.”

“No. I said ‘you need to practice your Spanish. It’s terrible. Serioulsy. My god.’”

“Oh well I was clo-“

“No you weren’t, Erin…” Abby interjected.

“Well is there anything else you would like to know?”

“Why do you shut us all out around the times of their deaths? If anything you should need us more, right?” Patty asked.

“I will always feel safest with my Papa. He misses her too around that time.”

“And what about Michaels?”

“Michaels? Well around that time I deserve to be.”

“What? What do you mean?”

Holtzmann’s voice lost all emotion. “I wasn’t there for him. I was abroad hooking up and not caring. I should have written more. He did so much for me and I left him.”

“No Holtz. It’s okay. That’s alright he must have known you loved him…” Abby consoled.

“But-But Holtzmann did something bad.” Erin registered her change in perspective, distancing her emotions from her actions.

“What? What did you do?” Erin asked quietly.

“I-I… Michael didn’t die he was killed. Chuck Osbourne, He was a big business man and millionaire. He was late to a meeting. He didn’t see Michael apparently as ‘He ran out into the road in front of his car.’ Bullshit! He had friends high up in the police force and the case didn’t even get a second glance!”

“Holtzy you didn’t kill him did you?” Patty’s eyes were wide.

“NO! No. I just… I rigged his life. He went away and I broke into his house and well. Let’s just say that he is now addicted to marijuana, crashed a couple of his cars and his business isn’t as well as it used to.”

“Oh my God…”

“I know right… But he deserved it but, now all I can think of is the knock on effects from it.”

“Such as…”

“The people he may have had to let go. His children and wife. The fact he is addicted to drugs. His faulty digestion. I may as well have killed him. Michael would never have wanted me to do it. But he took him! He could have done so much more! And he took him away! SO Michael wasn’t there to stop me.”

“No Holtz. It’s ok. I’ve heard of him. His business is going to be fine, he’s just a little bit more infamous than famous. Don’t feel bad and don’t tell anyone else. You could be arrested and charged.”

“Okay I won’t.” She wiped a lone tear. “Is there anything else?”

“How does Dark Holtz come out?” Abby asked.

“Dark Holtz? What am I? A character from Star Trek?” Jill joked.

“You remember the storm right?”

“Oh. Yeah. Again I’m sorry but, I know how to handle myself when I’m alone. You kept asking and I don’t have any practice of that thang. I just can’t process it. It would just be quicker and easier for all of us if I was just given some time and space…”

“Yeah, we can do that. Patty? Erin?”

“Yeah.” “Sure.”

“Thank you. Is that all? Am I free to go?”

 Erin answered. “Last one I promise… Are you gay?”

“Err… Yes. I am.”

“Who was your first girl?”

“Girlfriend or girl?”

“Is there a difference?” Holtz looked at her. If there wasn’t she wouldn’t have asked. “Of course there is – sorry – err stupid. So let’s say girlfriend.”

“My first girlfriend was called Jemma. She was from England. We dated for a couple months but called things off after Michael died. I was ‘Dark Holtz’ and she couldn’t handle it.”

“Oh. And your first girl?”

“Her name was Emily. We were 17. She was in the accommodation we were staying in during college and she was a chemistry major.”

“What happened?”

“Well we always argued and one day I snapped. Apparently she found it hot and later that night she crawled into my bed and let’s just say I bought new bedsheets the next day.”

“Ewh. Holtzy!” Patty squirmed.

“What can I say? Genius in the streets, freak in the sheets.” Jillian winked at Erin. She blushed immediately quickly changing the topic.

“So you were never interested in guys?”

“Erin, I think we should leave it for now.”

“No, it’s okay Abby. I’ve had a couple guys, a couple girls, one boyfriend and one girlfriend.”

“How many is a couple?” Patty joked.

“21 girls and 14 guys.”

“Holy shit Holtzy! Damn! You must be good gurl!”

“So they tell me.” She said shooting another wink at Patty. Even Patty blushed. _So it works on straight girls too. Interesting._

“Didn’t you know you were gay after your first guy?”

“Yes. But I just didn’t want to admit it to myself I guess. Plus my first guy was also the only boyfriend I had. Remy.”

“What Remy that comes round sometimes to help with the Ecto-2?”

“Ya! He’s the one!”

“Remy?!” Erin questioned.

“Ya! Calm down, Erin. We worked together whilst I was in college, and he asked me out, I said yes. We dated and slept together but I just didn’t feel anything. Like nothing. I liked Remy it’s just that more as a friend. That was hard because he’s one of the sweetest people I know.”

“Yeah and he hella hot.” Abby chimed in.

“Well he’s all yours Abby! But yeah no I don’t think I’ll ever go back to guys. I didn’t even really want to after Remy.”

“Then why the other 13?” Asked Erin.

“’Dark Holtz’ was depressed and needed comfort that she thought she would find in the bars of Moscow and France through sex.”

“And did you? Sorry again, Stupid question.”

“No. The exact opposite in fact. I found girls to be great and they could sometimes be clingy and want calls or dates when I just wasn’t looking for that at the time. But the guys were just horrible. Each time I thought I’d feel differently but each time was bad or … just painful.”

“Painful?”

“Erin, stop. We’ve questioned her enough…”

“Abby why are you constantly on my back about this!”

“Erin, it’s okay. I know what Abby is trying to do but you all may as well know… When I was depressed, I would allow guys to touch me, and grope me and do things I wasn’t comfortable with because I felt I deserved it…”

“Oh my god, Holtz are-“

“I’m not done… I-I was…” Holtzmann couldn’t conjure up the verb she knew had happened to her more than once and the tears started to build in her eyes. But Abby, being the understanding human being she is, reached out and grabbed both of Holtz’s shaking hands and held them in hers tightly. “There was a guy who forced me into sex that I wasn’t comfortable with and I have told Abby about that time, but I’m sorry Abby I didn’t tell you everything…”

“What no its okay, and you don’t have to tell us now. We support you no matter what…”

“No. I want to get this off my chest… There was a man. His name was Pietre. And I was drunk. He said he was drunk and we were just making out. I guess I was just craving the comfort Michael used to give me when I was sad. Anyway, he invited me back to his and I said ‘sure’. So w-we left. And… and we were w-walking out and he took me into an alleyway…” Erin’s hands covered her mouth as her tears threatened to flow.

“He held me against the wall… and he-he raped me… he raped me… and- and I barely remember any of it apart from the pain and the crying and the hand over my mouth and just being so cold. He left me! He left me in that alley to freeze! He hadn’t even made me decent. I could have frozen to death! And that’s when I stopped sleeping around. Well with men anyway. I-I’ve never s-said it o-out lo-loud-“

Holtz took her hands from Abby’s grasp and was making her way to the stairs. _I know that I said I was going to try not to be Dark Holtz but… I just can’t sit and- and I just can’t do this!_

She was about to hit the first step when two warm arms wrapped around her from behind ripping her away from her internal thoughts. It was Erin.

“Please. Please don’t shut me out again. Please don’t go. Please Jillian.”

It was like her lock on the floodgates couldn’t take the monumental pressure anymore and broke. It all became too much. Her knees gave out and her body went limp, falling to the ground and bringing Erin with her. They collapsed in a heap and she curled up into Erin’s arms, burying her face in the brunettes shoulder wetting it with the tears that she couldn’t stop.

“Es tut mir so leid. Ich hasse es zu reden. Bitte, ich will nicht darüber spechen. Es macht mich so traurig darüber zu reden. Es tut einfach so weh mich daran zu erinnern. Ich will nur, dass du mich hältst. Lass mich nicht los. Ich brauche Hilfe. Ich habe Alpträume und es tut einfach so weh. Es verfolgt mich obwohl ich weiß, dass es wahrscheinlich nicht wieder passieren wird. Ich kann einfach nichtmehr darüber reden. Ich dachte ich hätte es verdient aber um so mehr ich darüber nachdenke glaube ich, dass keiner so etwas verdient. Ich brauche deine Hilfe. Bitte lass mich nicht los Erin. Bleib bei mir. Ich liebe dich und kann dich nicht verlieren. Ich kann keinen von euch verlieren! Bitte geh nicht weg, Erin. Bitte bleib und hilf mir.”

_I'm so sorry. I hate to talk. Please, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m so sad and depressed when I do. It’s painful to remember. I just want you to hold me. Don’t let me go. I need help. It gives me nightmares and it hurts so much. I know it won’t happen again, but it still haunts me. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I deserve it. But, the more I look back, I feel like nobody deserves it. I need your help. Erin, please don’t let go. Stay with me. I love you and I can’t let you go. I can’t let any of you go. But please don’t, Erin. Help me please and stay with me._

“Holtzmann, I don’t understand… I’m sorry, for pushing you into telling us. I’m so sorry. Hush. You’re okay. You’re with me. I’m sorry baby I don’t understand. I don’t understand. I…” She looked up to Patty an Abby for guidance but they were both clueless and shocked. They didn’t know how to help their fallen comrade. The sight of Holtzmann crying and breaking down in Erin’s arms, slowly rocking. The worst part was that no one knew what she was saying. And couldn’t help. Until one word slipped through Jillian’s lips that they could process.

“Stay…” She breathed into Erin’s shirt. She curled up closer, drawing her knees even closer to her chin. So Erin did. She stayed with Holtzmann on the floor for hours. Slowly rocking and running her fingers through her hair. After the first ten minutes, Erin asked Abby and Patty to go and just give them some space which they reluctantly obliged to. But now it was getting colder and darker and Holtzmann’s breathing had evened out.

“Holtz? C’mon lets go to bed…” They stood and Erin supported Jillian’s arm over her shoulder and directed them to her bedroom. She took her own jeans off and then helped Holtz with her dungarees and set her yellow tinted glasses on the dresser. When she turned to face Jillian again she was laid down clasping her necklace that always hung from her neck. She climbed into bed next to her and brought the duvet over both of them. Holtzmann could feel Erin’s breathing on the back of her neck and the warmth she emitted.

Holtzmann turned over and buried herself under Erin’s chin, lacing their legs together before letting sleep claim her. She didn’t have any night terrors.

The next morning Holtzmann woke, tired and weary but feeling better. She untangled herself from Erin unwillingly, threw on a pair of Erin’s PJ bottoms and went downstairs to the Kitchen. She was first one up so decided to make breakfast. It took her 58 minutes and a quick run to a neighbouring shop to pick up some groceries but she had made a feast of a breakfast.

Erin was the first to come running down the stairs.

“Holtzmann?! Holtz?! Jillian?! Oh,” Erin spotted Jillian and hurried over to her, wrapping her in a tight hug. “You’re here. You’re still here. Thank god… I’d never forgive myself.”

“It’s alright, I’m here.” The noise must have awoken Abby and Patty.

The rushed down the stairs to find Erin and Holtzmann embracing. You could feel the relief reverberate around the room.

“What’s all this?” Patty asked rubbing her eye. Holtz and Erin parted.

“I made you all breakfast. I wanted to thank you all for your kindness and understanding.”

Abby approached them both. “There is no need to thank us. If we had reacted any differently then we wouldn’t be your friends. Best friends. We are there for each other.”

“Yeah and Holtzy? We will always be here to talk and we are so sorry for nosing into your past. We knew that it must have been hard for you to tell us and I am thankful you did. We are just sorry that we didn’t wait for you to tell us of your own will.”

“It’s okay Patty. I’m glad you asked because I wasn’t going to say anything anytime soon even though I knew it would be best for others to know.”

“Well either way there was no need to make us breakfast or you should have woken me and I would have helped you!” Erin whined.

“Yeah but you looked so happy, I didn’t want to wake you. Who knows you could have been dreaming up an invention that could have saved one of our lives.” Jillian jested.

“Yeah. Wait, what’s this?” Abby said, her finger wafting back and forth between Erin and Jillian.

“What’s what?” Erin answered nonchalantly.

“This! You two. Did you guys stay in the same bed last night?”

“Well – ar…”

“Because those are definitely Erin’s PJ bottoms!”

“Yeah. We did. She was tired. So I took her to my room.”

“And I wanted to wear something comfy and couldn’t be arsed to go to my room and dig around.”

“Okkaaaay. Well I guess it’s only fair since Erin has stolen half of your clothes Holtz. Hell those are probably your PJ bottoms that you are just reclaiming.”

“I do not steal her clothes!”

“Erin, honey, you’re wearing her shirt and I’m pretty sure that’s her bra!”

Holtz hooked her finger round the collar of her shirt that Erin was wearing and pulled it down slightly revealing Holtzmann’s grey and white Calvin Klein bra.

“Oh yeah! I was looking for that! And you’re also wearing my no tangle hair tie.”

“Holtz!” Erin squealed lifting her shirt back up. “Just flash my chest to the world why don’t you!”

“Oh c’mon! Like we all haven’t seen each other semi-nude at one point or another. I mean those shower curtains are translucent at best. And you’re still in your top.”

“That’s not true. I’ve seen none of you!”

“Erin, it’s true…” Abby and Patty said simultaneously agreeing with Holtzmann.

“I’m the only one? Really?”

“Well we can always change that,” Holtzmann winked and gave Erin a classic two fingered salute, “So Breakfast?”

Erin was froze in place whilst the others sat down. It took her a couple seconds to come back to her sense and sit down just to shove down some pancakes.

_Does she like me? God stop it Holtz! She’s straight!_

Over the next four months Jillian asked herself those questions numerous times.

For Abby and Patty the next four months was filled with unbearable flirting from both Erin and Holtz.

And for Erin it was spent desperately trying to hide blushes and answer questions about her confused sexuality.

Erin couldn’t put her finger on it but there was something about Holtzmann that just, made her brow sweat, her palms get clammy, her mouth say things she didn’t tell it to and her legs tighten. It took Erin four months to admit to herself that she must be bisexual. She thought Kevin was extremely attractive along with other men she saw out and about, but also found herself wanting Holtzmann in an over friendly way.

So she made her intentions clear one day. They were in the middle of a heat wave and Holtzmann was in the garage fixing up the Ecto-2.

“Hey Holtzmann!” Erin hadn’t expected the sight she was gifted with. She just planned to get Jillian a water. But this was much better. Holtzmann and her overalls tied around her waist and had her ‘Screw U’ Necklace from Michael round her neck and a dark blue Tommy Hilfiger bralette on.  “Here I got you a water. You must be boiling.”

Holtz looked towards Erin briefly who was in an oversized ‘Ghostbuster Ltd’ shirt and a pair of black shorts with her hair in a top knot on top of her head. _She’s hot even when she isn’t trying to be._

“Hey thanks, yeah just leave it on the ledge.”

Erin did and walked over to the hearse. “What’s wrong with her?”

“Well, one Miss Patty Tolan left her outside in the sun all of yesterday and then wondered why she wouldn’t start this morning. I told her to bring her in but she didn’t because ‘I don’t like reversing that thang Holtzy. It so long!’ so here I am replacing more wires than I care to admit because she couldn’t spare a minute of her time.”

Erin rested her hand on the roof of the car. “Ouch!” She took her hand away quickly. Holtzmann looked up without moving from her bent over position under the bonnet of the car. The view was better than any Erin had ever seen. The messy curls, blushed cheeks, Dark blue and white bra against her pale skin which was freckling due to the heat and the pale expanse of her toned stomach were all too much. “That’s so hot!”

“Well Erin it has been sat outside in the scorching sun all day! Weren’t you listening?”

Erin thought about the her next words carefully, walking up behind a bent over Holtzmann and slipping a finger underneath the dark blue bra strap and tracing up and down before saying them.

“I wasn’t talking about the car…” Holtzmann froze and the hairs on the back of her neck stood end.

And then Erin left with a slight sway in her hips. _Wait… whaaaaaaaaat?_

Oh it was game on. If anyone knew how to flirt with women it was Holtzmann, and Erin didn’t know what she was up against. But she was about to find out.

Holtzmann started out lightly at first. Kissing her and Abby on the heads after a bust. Stealing an item or two of Erin’s expanding wardrobe (most of Erin’s new wardrobe was Holtzmann’s). Wearing low cut tops. Going down for morning coffees in a baggy shirt with none of the buttons done up and a pair of Tommy Hilfiger panties. If there was a breeze or if she reached for something too high she would expose herself. It was risky but all went to plan. And a little side boob never hurt anybody.

She could tell Erin was trying to level the playing field. Small comments on what Holtz was wearing. Constantly wearing Holtz’s clothing or wearing very little of it.   Jillian nearly broke when they came back off a bust with slime all over them and when she was drying off and brushing her teeth by the sink. Erin just walked out of the shower. Naked. She couldn’t get a glimpse of the front but the back, was toned and tanned and her ass? _Don’t even get me started. That peach._

It took all of Jillian’s willpower to not rip off her own towel and take Erin in the shower hard and fast. But she wanted to win. Badly.

She had to. And the lord heard her prayer when Patty had taken Abby to see the Mayor and negotiate for a couple of days. It was four days to get Erin Gilbert. She had to move quickly.

“Achooo!” _Shit!_ Erin got sick.

She was out for the count. Turns out when Erin gets sick she sleeps it out. She slept most of the time and Jillian would sleep next to her. Stay with her. _Just in case she needed her._

16:00 Day 1 –

“Jillian?”

“Yeah I’m here.”

“Oh there you are. Could you get me a coffee?”

“We are out so how about a tea?”

“Perfect.”

“Be right back.”

“You better be.”

“And what is that meant to mean?”

“Well… it’s freezing, you’re warm and all the others are away. Pleaaase?”

“How are you cold? You radiate heat when you sleep.”

“Are you saying that I’m hot?”

“No I’m saying you’re a freaking boiler when you sleep. I nearly broke into a sweat. But, I won’t deny anything.”

Holtz went out to the kitchen to make some tea. It was going to be too hard to flirt with her when she was this ill but tomorrow after Holtzmann had pampered her she would be begging for it.

She came back in and made light conversation about how Abby had met someone in a coffee shop recently who had gotten her number and how Patty had found a huge book sale downtown and picked up a load for under $20.

21:00 – Day 1

Erin finished her 3rd tea and rubbed her neck with her palms. 

“What’s up? Your shoulders stiff?”

“Yeah I think it’s from when that ghost threw me against the wall on our last bust.”

“I can work that out for you if you want?”

“Of course you know how to give massages.”

“Oh I don’t but it helps when you know the name of each muscle and how they work.”

“I’m sold.” They sat in the middle of the bed. Jillian ran her hands up Erin’s arms and then started to gently work her shoulders. “Jillian… oh my god.”

“Is the pressure good?”

“Yeah. It’s great. You can apply a little more if you want. Yes just there. Arrrrgh.” She worked out each individual knot in her shoulders and made her way down Erin’s back hearing an occasional click of bones here and there. Holtzmann was regretting offering a back massage as Erin’s moans were making her increasingly hot but there were deeper knots but Jillian couldn’t get to them in this position and with this baggy shirt in the way.

“Hey Erin, I can feel some deeper ones. If you lay on your front and take off your shirt and can get to them… I mean if you want…”

“Yeah sure, ok.” Erin didn’t even think about it, she was in such a state of bliss. She whipped of her shirt and lay on her tummy. She felt a light weight press on her thighs and it was like someone snapped her awake. Jillian was straddling her.

“Hey, don’t get tense on me now. I’m nearly done.” Erin relaxed and Holtz worked out the rest of her back muscles, spending separate time on each vertebrae. _Okay this may have been a mistake…_ Jillian thought as Erin continued to make pleasured sounds that made Holtz’s heart race.

_That is the hottest thing I have ever heard._

Each one sent warmth to her underwear.

_Maybe this was a mistake. I’m getting more turned on than she is. Okay just take a risk._

Once she was finished she leant down and placed a chaste kiss on Erin’s bare shoulder. Erin gasped a little and then relaxed. “All done…” She handed Erin her shirt and helped her put it on. She lay down on the bed but instead of Erin joining her she placed her head on Holtz’s stomach and curled up.

“Thank you.” Erin whispered before falling asleep. Jillian couldn’t help running her fingers through Erin’s hair delicately before sleep came for her too.

 

08:35 – Day 2

“Morning Er-Bear.” Holtzmann woke Erin running her fingers through the copper strands of hair. “How are you feeling?” Holtz sat up to look down at the brunette using her lap as a pillow.

“So much better! You know you should really change your profession.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. Any spa would be lucky to have you. Jillian Holtzmann. 30 years old. PhD in Nuclear Physics, Trained Ghostbuster and Masseuse. Fits on nicely.”

“How would you all survive without me and my inventions? You would be one proton pack malfunction away from being tossed out of a building like Heiss. And you got a part of my intro wrong.”

“Oh! We wouldn’t make it a week without you. Thank god you leave us a list of things to do when you leave sometimes. I mean, we wouldn’t be able to be the Ghostbusters without you, Jill. I remember the day when you made the Proton Pack.”

“You do?”

“Of course. I was in awe. I mean you had worked so hard and made them ridiculously quickly. Plus they went beyond any knowledge that I had. I understood how it worked but I could never build something like them. They’re phenomenal.”

“What is this? Praise Holtz day?”

“No…no I just feel you don’t get as much appreciation as you ought to. Without you, New York would be in ruins and most likely the world. Millions upon millions would have died.”

“Well when you put it like that…”

“And what do you mean I got a bit wrong?!”

“Oh. Yeah. I’m not 30.”

“You’re not?”

“Nope. I’m 31!”

“Wait so you’re a Virgo!”

“How did you know that?”

“You told me when we first met remember?”

“Oh yeah. I didn’t expect you to remember.”

“Of course I did. Anyway, so that’s between the 22nd of August and 22nd of September. Yesterday was the 4th of September. Todays the 5th. So that narrows it down to those two weeks.”

“Yup. You’re correct on that.”

“I am? Please just tell me!” Jillian’s birthday was on the 4th of September. She spent it gladly looking after Erin whilst she was sick and on looking the bliss ignorance around her.

“Never! C’mon lets go get breakfast. You didn’t even eat yesterday!”

“Fine! But I want pancakes!”

“Sure…” Jillian said as she got up off the bed and headed towards the Kitchen with Erin in hot pursuit.

“With Nutella!”

“Okay…”

“… And cream…”

Holtzmann turned around abruptly stopping Erin. “You know you aren’t sick anymore right. You could make these pancakes…”

“But they are so much better when you make them. Please Holtz, I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?”

“Anything!”

“Fine. Wear my overalls for the day.”

“Your Overalls? Which ones?”

“The blue one with the yellow and purple paint stains on it.”

“Okay and what else?”

“Nothing else.”

“What, no top?”

“Don’t worry, it buttons up.”

“But, why?”

“You borrow the rest of my clothes; I just want to see you in something different.”

“Okay. Deal.” They shook on it.

“You go change and shower.  I’ll do the pancakes.”

“Meet in the kitchen in 15?”

“Done. Break!” They headed off to their tasks. Erin rummaged through Holtzmann’s mysteriously neat closet until she found the overalls. She showered, dried and got dressed before heading to the kitchen downstairs where Holtzmann was just putting whipped cream on a stack of pancakes.

To Erin’s surprise they were absurdly comfy. They were loose but felt like a hard comforting hug at the same time.

 “Oh! H-Hey. Y-you look… You look great! I knew it would suit you!”

“You think?”

“Yeah I’d tap that,” Erin was shocked by the confident remark making her blush “Come and sit.”

They ate their pancakes making light conversation.

“Hey I’m off to lunch with an old friend Ryan, later today. I can pick you up some food if you want?”

“Sure, what’s the place?”

“Oh we’re going to this old historic pub. He loves history. Teaches it actually. He’s a professor.”

“Oh that’s nice. When are you going?”

“About 37 minutes.”

“Do you ever just say 40 minutes?”

“Nope!”

“Okay well what time you back?”

“Around 17:20.”

“Okay. Well yeah I’d love some.”

“Buffalo wings right?”

Erin closed her eyes at the thought. “Oh my god. I would love some buffalo wings. With lots of sauce! And fries. And slaw!”

“Okay, thought you might. Wings, Fries, slaw, Got it! Have a good day. If there’s any calls Kevin is in. The grenades are on Patty’s desk and I’m only a phone call away if it’s getting out of hand.”

“Perfect! So you’d tap this huh?”

“I dunno. I mean it might be the overalls. When I wear them would you tap me?”

“… Now I think about it… probably.” Erin replied nervously.

“Well, I should start wearing them more often then, shouldn’t I?” Holtzmann winked and headed to her bedroom; not allowing Erin to respond. Not that she physically could anyway.

17:17 - Day 2

“Hey, Erin. Are you in?”

“Buffalo wings! Buffalo wings! Buffalo wings!”

“Yeah, yeah I got them, here.” Holtzmann pulled a large tray wrapped in foil from a large brown paper bag.

Erin’s eyes widened. She wrapped her arms around Holtz’s neck. “You’re the Best,” Erin pulled back “Seriously!”

“I know I am. And they had no slaw so I got you beans.”

“What kind of pub doesn’t have slaw?” Erin asked stuffing a wing into her mouth whilst plonking down on the couch.

“A busy kind.”

“So how was Ryan?”

“He’s good! He’s great actually. He’s getting married soon.”

“Oh who too?”

“A girl called Emily. They’re childhood sweethearts. I actually set them up. A long time ago! They are more or less married already but this is just making it official. She’s already on baby number two. She’s a month in.”

“Oh wow! How sweet!”

“I know!” Holtzmann said nicking a wing off the pile on the tray.

“HEY! You cow!”

“You love me really!” Holtzmann grinned, mouth filled with chicken and sauce smeared round her lips.

“Shut up! You’re lucky I do... Hey you have something…” Erin pointed to the sauce that was left on the right hand corner of her mouth.

“Oh… Did I get it?”

“Here.” Erin took her thumb and wiped off the orangey brown sauce.

She began to retract her hand, not sure what to do with the sauce left on her thumb when Holtz caught it. She pulled Erin’s hand towards her lips and gently placed them on her thumb over the stain. She sucked it off lightly, gently running her tongue over the area before releasing it with a small pop. She had maintained eye contact with Erin the entire time peering over her yellow tinted glasses, noticing that Erin hadn’t even blinked or moved her gaze from Holtz’s lips on her thumb. “Thank you.”

“I-I mean y-you’re welcome. Certainly welcome. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. So yeah… Wings. Grrr… Yum. Sorry I’m rambling. I-I’m just gonna go clean my face. B-before it stains. I’ll be right back. Just stay there. Don’t move. Or move. I don’t know. I think there’s a message left for you on the phone. I think. Yeah the one over there. Yeah. Our phone. The phone. Okay!”

Erin scuttled off, leaving Holtzmann dazed. She was getting to her. Holtzmann grinned to herself. _Maybe not poker straight after all._

She got up and headed to the phone, lifting it from its handset and guiding it to her ear before hitting play.

“ _You have three messages… Message one:_ Hey Erin, Holtz. It’s Abby! It’s all going well here. The mayor is mardy and can’t take a joke per usual and those douche bags from the CIA are here. Again. I swear that chiselled, annoying, Puerto Rican, stupid one likes Patty or something. He won’t stop pestering her. Always asking how her books are. Anyway. I hope Holtz hasn’t blown up the lab. Talk to you soon. Bye!

_Message two:_ Hey again. It’s me. Abby. Patty made out with the guy from the CIA. What do I do?! Help! Oh god! PATTY! Stop! HE’s The Enemy! The ENEM-

_Message three:_ Hey y’all. It’s your girl Patty. All’s good down here. I and Abby are fine. I thought because we haven’t heard from you two you guys must be working really hard… so we booked you in at the Chinese restaurant at the bar. Treat yourselves to some drinks. Bennie knows your coming. It’s on Tuesday. 19:30! Don’t miss it! Right. Love y’all. Bye!”

Today was Tuesday. _Shit._ “ERIN!” Holtzmann called upstairs.

“Want to go and grab a drink with me at the Chinese. Patty booked us in!”

“Yeah sure! Just let me change!”

“Nuh-Uh we had a deal my friend.” Erin slid down the fire pole to Holtzmann’s level.

“Well I can’t go like this!”

“It’s a dingy Chinese. Yeah you can. Leggo.” Holtzmann pushed Erin Back onto the fireman’s pole before jumping on herself.

19:41 – Day two

“It smell’s so good! How can you think about food? You ate Buffalo wings a couple hours ago.”

“I can always think about food Jill.”

“Well you want to get some drinks first?”

“Sure!” They sat at the bar on a stool. “Pint of beer please.”

“Oh come on Erin, be more adventurous!”

“I am adventurous!”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah!”

“Then order like you are.”

“Fine! I’ll have three shots of tequila please. Happy?”

“Ecstatic. I’ll have the same but just four more on top of that.”

“FOUR?”

“Yep, my dear friend. Are going to play a drinking game.”

“Oh god which one. I’m terrible at drinking games.”

“Never have I ever…”

“Never have I ever?”

“Yup. Look, here’s our shots. Five for you. Five for me, now you start.”

Erin sighed. “Okay… Never have I ever… been in handcuffs.”

Holtzmann took a shot. “WHOO!”

“You have?”

“Well they weren’t from the police, let’s leave it at that. Never have I ever… shot a gun.”

“Well that’s something we have in common. Never have I ever … shaved my head.”

Holtzmann took a shot. “For fucks sake, it was the day before I took my revenge out on Chuck Osbourne. Never want to leave a shred of DNA about. Never have I ever publically peed.” Erin took a shot and threw it back with a wince. “YOU HAVEN’T?”

“It was freshmen year. I wasn’t used to being drunk. I really needed to go!”

“Erin Gilbert!”

“Okay. Yeah, yeah, I’m gross. Get over it. Never have I ever sleepwalked.”

“Ooh me neither! Never have I ever used Facebook…”

“Ooh! That’s low!” Erin whispered before downing another shot. “Ok. Let me think… Never have I ever… broke a bone.”

“Oh, Ha! Now I think of it I haven’t! Never have I ever swam in the ocean.”

“Fuck me.” Erin remarked as she downed another. _Maybe later._

“Okayyy.” Erin slurred. It was taking its effect on her. “Nevvver have I everrr… had a panic attack.”

“Shit.” Holtz downed one. “Okay never have I ever had buffalo wings before today…”

“You cheap shot!” Erin downed one more. “Never have I ever… been to Russia.”

“Oh I’m the cheap shot?” Holtzmann winced as she took down another shot. “N-Never have I ever, hooked up w-with a teacher…?”

“…”

“Erin?”

Erin tentatively picked up her shot and swallowed it. “Let’s not talk about that…”

“No I want to hear about this! Spill!”

“Well there was this cute guy at a bar and I had broken up with my college boyfriend, david. And we met at a bar and hooked up at his. Three months later I see him in one of the halls at my college. He taught English literature. End of story. NEXT Never have I ever ballroom danced.”

“Oh… Goodness. It was church, at Easter. My mother made me go.” Holtz explained before downing her last shot. “Okayyyy. Your turn Er-bear. Never have I-I Everrrr… Only kissed guys.”

Erin went to pick up a shot but turned to only find empty shot glasses. “Oh. I d-don’t have any left! Jeez they went Q-quickl-ly.”

“What you gonna do?”

“Errr we could get more but I don’t know if I could handle a-any m-more…”

“Well there’s only one thing left to do then isn’t there…”

“What?” Erin asked as she turned to face Holtz.

Holtz slid her fingers into Erin’s hair to pull her towards her. And then she placed her lips over Erin’s. Their lips moved together slowly at first. Mostly due to Erin’s shock. But then Erin felt herself leaning into it. Moving with Holtzmann’s tilt of head. Holtzmann broke of the kiss delicately, her fingers withdrawing from Erin’s soft brown hair to gently run a thumb over her lips. “Well now you can say you have.”

Erin’s breathing was uneven. Her senses were just filled with Holtz. She could hear the echoes of their kiss, she could see the dishevelled blonde locks on Holtzmann’s head, she could still taste Jillian on her lips and feel her thumb on her mouth all whilst drowning in the scent of Holtzmann of her borrowed overalls.

It was too much.

She pulled Holtzmann back to her lips, getting up from her stool to rest her arms on Holtz’s shoulders. As she tilted her head she swiped her tongue over Jillian’s bottom lip asking for permission before moving her tongue along the blondes.

Jillian wrapped her arms around Erin’s waist bringing her closer. Holtzmann kissed her harder begging for more as she felt arousal rush through her body. It may have been the tequila but Holtzmann was certain that it was the brunette currently making out with her that caused the sensation.

Erin pulled back. “So… do you want to get a cab or something…?” She asked breathlessly, before crashing her lips against Holtzmann’s, resuming their make out session.

“I was just about to ask you the same thing. C’mon let’s get out of here.” She grabbed Erin’s hand, pulled her outside, hailed a cab and dragged Erin in after her. “Ghostbusters HQ please.” Holtzmann said before wrapping her arms around Erin and pulling her onto of herself, passionately kissing her whilst her hands roamed.

Erin had one hand on the cab seat and another laced in Jillian’s curls. Holtzmann’s hands found Erin’s ass and grabbed it, pulling Erin’s hips towards hers, causing her to moan into Holtzmann’s mouth.

Jillian nearly came from that sound alone but before she could find anywhere else on Erin’s body to tease they had arrived at the firehouse. She tossed a twenty at the driver and got out. They ran in climbing the stairs hand in hand. Both of them wreaking of desire and Chinese before crashing into Holtzmann’s room. Jillian flipped Erin. Holding her up against the door, kissing up her neck towards her earlobe before sucking on it.

“Holtz… ahh.” Erin gasped, biting her lip to trying to keep quiet.

“Be as loud as you want baby, Kevin’s out.”

“Thank god! I don’t know if I could keep quiet for long…”

Erin started to unbutton Holtzmann’s shirt, fumbling with each button whilst Holtz flung off her long brown jacket and pushed down her trousers.

Clothes started to fly. First Holtzmann’s shirt, then Erin’s buttons. Then Jillian’s shoes and then Erin’s shoes and her overalls. They were both left in their bras and underwear before Holtzmann released her hold on Erin and started to guide her towards the bed before they both flopped down on it, Holtzmann landing between Erin’s legs with her arms both sides of the physicists head.

Holtzmann sat up taking off her Calvin Klein bralette and tossing it aside and then bent back down to continue her assault on Erin’s neck. Erin’s hands gently wandered up to just under Jillian’s breast. Hesitating to make a move. Holtzmann made the option for her taking Erin’s hand in hers and placing it over her boob.

Erin immediately started to massage them, squeezing and pinching, flicking Holtzmann’s peaked nipple side to side before rolling it between her fingers.

“Arrgh… God you’re so hot…Do you know how hard… it has been on me?” Holtz asked between kisses. “You walking around in tiny shorts… accidently forgetting your towel and just walking naked… wearing my clothes… you’re like a walking arousal…” She had started to grind against Erin looking for some kind of contact and Erin seemed to like it because the action was reciprocated.

“Oh, you noticed that huh? Well it’s been hard on me too. The winks… don’t even get me started on the winks, walking around in your bra, bending over car bonnets in shorts, giving me a massage, coming down for breakfast in that shirt… with nothing on underneath… you were killing me…”

“Well that was the objective…”She drew the skin on Erin’s collarbone into her mouth nibbling the tender skin.

Erin couldn’t take the teasing anymore. “Take my bra off.” She froze, shocked by Erin’s confident statement. She looked up into Erin’s eyes to make sure she had heard correctly. “I want you. Take off my bra.” She wasted no more time, snaking her arm under Erin’s back and undoing the clasp with ease, before sliding the straps down Erin’s arms and tossing it off the bed.

Erin’s breasts had her in a trance. They were perfect and full and her nipples were rosy and hard. She took one in each hand running kisses over them before pulling a nipple into her mouth caressing it with her tongue in circles. Erin released a moan, unable to keep quiet for any longer.

She swapped breasts and rolled the other nipple between her fingers, gently teasing and nipping sending waves of want coursing through Erin’s body. “Holtzmann… please… ah please.”

She released the now hard nipples from her slow torture and started to move down Erin’s body, gently running her lips over Erin’s torso, leaving wet marks with her open mouthed kisses. Holtz reached Erin’s panty line and looked up for assurance. She knew it was Erin’s first time with a woman. She wanted her to be 100% comfortable.

Erin nodded with lustful eyes and Holtzmann hooked her fingers on her underwear and slowly pulled them down, lightly running her fingers down Erin’s thighs, past her legs and to her ankles before dropping them down on the bed.

She put a hand on each ankle and slowly moved towards Erin’s centre. She caressed up to her inner thigh and felt a shiver of desire run over Erin’s skin. She kissed just below Erin’s belly button and continued working downwards, making eye contact with Erin along the way.

She kissed her mound tentatively and Erin gasped. Erin felt like she was going to combust every time Holtz touched her. She had never been so sensitive. And then she felt like her veins were on fire as she felt Holtz run a finger up and down her drenched folds.

“Ahhh… Holtzmann… yes, please more.” She had felt like she had laboured Erin enough and she brought her fingers up to Erin’s clit and began to circle it slowly. Erin’s back arched as Holtzmann made her assault on her clit as slow as possible. She couldn’t bare it any longer, Erin thought, as she laced her fingers through the blonde locks and urged her to touch her.

Holtzmann understood as she lowered her mouth to the hardened sensitive nub and gave it a soft lick and then another before enveloping it with her tongue and flicking it side to side.

“Arrhg… Holtzmann. Fuck please don’t stop. It feels so good. Please don’t stop… ah!”

And then the Erin saw black. Her eyes had closed as Jillian had entered her with two fingers, fucking her slowly, in and out rhythmically speeding up.

“Fuck, Erin, you’re so wet!”

“Sorry, it’s just y-you’re turning me on-n so muc-“Holtz curled her fingers upwards hitting Erin’s G – spot directly “Fuck! Yes there, keep going don’t stop.”

By this point Erin was writhing, begging for a release, needing it desperately. Erin pulled on Holtzmann’s hair causing her to hum into her clit. “Fuck! Uh!” Erin cried out, “I’m close, Holtz I’m close, don’t stop…”

Erin was close. She could feel Erin’s walls twitching around her fingers, begging to contract but still building for their release. So she pulled the hardened nub into her mouth sucking it and started to thrust her fingers into the wet entrance faster causing Erin’s eyes to close, back to arch and walls to contract. Her thighs went to clamp around the blondes head but Holtzmann kept an arm over them, steadying them from shaking. “Shit! Holtz! Fuck……Ah! Ah… ah. Oh my god… holy shit…” Her legs started to relax as she flopped back down on the bed out of breath.

“Erin that was ridiculously hot!” Holtz retracted her fingers slowly and Erin felt herself twitch as she did. She climbed up the brunettes body kissing as she went until she met Erin’s mouth, welcomed with long sloppy open mouthed kisses. Erin could taste herself on Jillian and it made her increasingly hot.

“Holtz. Baby… I want to do things with you. Or more accurately, to you. B-But I’ve never done anything like this before. Ever. So… would you be o-“

“I would love that…” she interjected cutting Erin off with her lips upon hers. “Just do what you feel comfortable with… It’s okay, it’s just me. If you need it I’ll help you.” She could feel Erin’s hands trailing their way down her body getting increasingly closer to where she wanted her most. Erin ran her fingers up and down Jill’s inner thighs building the tension. “Erin… I don’t know how much longer I can hold out…” Holtz warned.

And the Erin’s delicate fingers found their way to her clit circling it quickly. “Shit! Oh my god… yes keep doing that… Shit!” Erin quickened her pace and lowered her head to suck and nibble on Holtz’s nipple. “Spread your legs wider…” Erin whispered against Jillian’s chest, and she obeyed, spreading them wider and giving her more access. She felt Erin’s hand run up and down through her folds sending a tingling feeling through her body like she was on fire. And the she must have exploded because Erin was sliding two fingers into her entrance fairly quickly.

“Uhhhg! Erin, Fuck! I’m going to come, I can feel it building, don’t stop!” She dragged her nails down Erin’s back. Leaving marks in their wake.

“Do you like that?” Erin asked seductively.

“Like it? I love it. Oh fucking hell…” _I love you._

“Can you handle more?”

Holtzmann’s eyes flew open and connected with the brunette’s. “Yes…” She said softly. And then Erin added another finger curling up. She thrust into her hard and Holtzmann through her head back as her body took control, pushing back on Erin’s fingers and contracting, shaking when she came. She pulled Erin to her mouth moaning into her as her walls tightened around her slender fingers.

“Uhhg!” She struggled to catch her breath. _This was her first time pleasing a woman?_ “This can’t be your first time pleasing a woman.”

“Well apart from myself there’s been no one but you. Was it good?”

“Good? It was phenomenal!” She answered taking Erin’s face in her hands and kissing her hard and passionately. “How are you?”

“Dazed. I’ve never came like that before.”

“Really? Well do you want to again?”

“Again? Now?” Erin asked shocked. She had never done it twice in one night before.

“Why not? You’re here. I’m here. You’re the sexiest woman alive and I would like to be lucky enough to fuck your brains out right here. Right now.”

“So what you just did to me wasn’t fucking my brains out?”

“Oh, you haven’t felt nothing yet.” She flipped Erin onto her stomach. Holtzmann hovered her body over the blondes, placing her lips on an open mouthed kiss on Erin’s bare shoulder.

Erin shivered as she felt her arousal rise because the curly haired engineer was trailing her tongue down her back, occasionally nipping and soothing, causing pangs of pleasure rush to her centre.

She reached Erin’s ass, grabbing a cheek in each hand and massaging eliciting groans for her. Holtzmann brushed her fingertips lightly over the peachy perfection below her before whispering “Do you trust me, Erin?” For a moment Erin couldn’t speak, she was drowning in a haze of stimulation.

“Baby?”

“Yes…”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes… I trust you.”

And with that confirmation Holtzmann thrust three fingers into Erin’s soaked entrance. Erin cried out as Holtzmann used her hips as leverage to thrust her fingers in deeper and faster, relentlessly fucking the brunette beneath her.

Erin bit down onto the pillow under her head but even that couldn’t muffle the moans and wails of pleasure that seemed to be escaping her. Her body was writhing, contracting and relaxing spontaneously, she was no longer in control and she could feel her orgasm starting to build

For some reason she felt as if she couldn’t take it, she had never felt one come on so strongly before and the impulsive jerks of her body were new to her. Erin reached a hand behind her to slow Holtzmann’s rapidly moving hand and hips, as the pressure inside of her continued to rise.

“H-Holtz… I-I don’t think… Fuck! I… Don’t think I can…”

“Erin, it’s ok trust me… Push back into me… I know you want it… c’mon fuck me back…” Holtzmann grabbed Erin’s pleading hand and pinned it above her head making Erin moan out.

Erin mustered all her energy, she was sweating and her muscles were rippling with stimulation but she managed to push back on to the unforgiving fingers that fucked her.

Her mouth formed an ‘o’ as the new position let Holtzmann go even deeper.

“Shit, Erin you’re so hot. Do you know how much of a turn on it is to feel myself inside you? To feel you fucking me back? I can feel you’re close…”

“Holtzmann… Arrgh Fuck! Oh my god! I can feel it, it just keeps building, I’m so close, and I’m gonna cum soon, faster, please.” Jillian obeyed, quickening her already rapid pace. She could hear the contact of her hand slapping against Erin’s arse, soaked with juices.

She let go of Erin’s wrist that she had pinned on the bed and slid it under and hovered it over the brunette’s clit. She leant over the sweaty body under her, and came in close to her ear.

“Erin, baby?”

“Y-yes…Uh!”

“Cum for me.” And then she bit down on the flesh of Erin’s shoulder whilst making circling contact with her swollen nub.

Erin’s back arched, her eye’s closed. Her mouth opened of a silent scream and her whole ody shuddered. Her orgasm was the biggest one she had ever had. It lasted at least twenty seconds and it even got prolonged further and Jillian would curl her fingers up just to torture her.

Erin flopped onto the bed, exhausted. Dripping with perspiration and her juices she turned to Holtzmann who had laid beside her. As she opened her eyes Erin saw her licking the juices off of her finger and it may have been one of the hottest things she had ever see.

She herself couldn’t move so she instructed Jillian to sit on her face.

She thrust her tongue into the entrance above her and then watched as Holtzmann fucked herself on Erin’s tongue. Raising up and down, holding onto the head board for support.

She was so hot from Fucking Erin that it didn’t take long for her to cum but Erin wouldn’t let her down. Circling her clit with her tongue and fucking her with her fingers. All whilst reaching up to tweak one of Holtzmann’s nipples.

“Erin… What the fuck! I-I’m going to cum… again...I’m cumming! Shit!” Holtzmann came, burying Erin’s face in her folds and drenching her with her juices. She was exhausted as she flopped to the side of Erin, panting.

“Now that was fucking your brains out… Are you okay?”

“Yes. Holy shit. I think you’ve ruined me!”

“Really? And… fucking hell, you just wouldn’t let me go, I couldbarely hold myself up in my third orgasm…”

“Well I just didn’t want to stop, you looked so beautiful and I could drown in you. You’re right. Holy shit! Why have we waited so long to do that?”

“I don’t know but are you sure you’re okay. I know it was you’re first time with a woman and I kind of just went crazy…”

“I’m glad you did. And I trusted you. I couldn’t even think straight after. It’s the most intense thing I’ve ever felt.” _After loving you I think._

“Come here.” She said. Erin conformed, sliding her back into Holtzmann’s chest and breathed deeply whilst Jillian ran her fingertips up and down her upper arm.

It made her skin tingle but also made Erin feel safe. Holtzmann was more than content laying there, revelling in her bliss and wanting the moment to last forever. She had wanted this for a long time and the reality had dramatically exceeded her expectations.

Erin’s breathing was even and her body was limp, putting all her weight into Holtz.

“I love you, Erin.” Holtzmann whispered onto the brunette’s shoulder before kissing where she had made a bite mark earlier and relaxed back into her pillow to join Erin in sleep.

But she was mistaken as Erin slid out of her grasp and turned to face her. _Shit! She isn’t asleep?!_

“Did you just say that you loved me?”

“…I-I … Yes… but Erin please don’t go-“

“I love you too.”

“… You do?”

“Yes … I just, I don’t even know, all I know is that I love you…”

Holtzmann leaned in kissing her, and a lone tear escaped her eye and it ran down her face in joy, before they tangled their legs together and let sleep claim them both.

Day 3 - 09:34

“HOLTZY!? We’re back early! We didn’t need to go to the conference and HOLY SHIT!” Patty screamed walking through Holtzmann’s door unannounced.

Patty’s gaze was met by the sight of Erin and Holtzmann naked. Erin’s fingers were tangled in Holtzmann’s blonde locks that had been released and now cascaded down her shoulders and to her breasts. Erin was laid under Holtzmann with her legs spread wide, mid orgasm whilst Jillian was fucked her with her tongue.

They jumped out of their position covering themselves with the thin sheets that had laid tangled on the mattress. Erin hid beneath the covers whilst Holtzmann only just covered her modesty.

“Patty! Patty! What’s wrong I heard you scream?” Abby found Patty in Holtzmann’s doorway and saw a pretty wide smirk drawn across Holtzmann’s face. “Oh… God! Okay Patty Let’s go! And Holtzmann? Wipe your face! C’mon Patty!”

“Guys dat just nastay! Put a lock on the door!” Patty said.

“Patty you owe me 20 bucks!” Abby called down the corridor before closing the bedroom door again.

“Well I guess they know… We don’t have to worry about telling them now…” Erin said timidly.

“I dunno… eating you out could look like a lot of different things…” Holtzmann joked.

Erin rewarded her with a swift punch to the arm. “Not Funny! So what do you want to do?” Erin asked gesturing towards the door.

“Well we should probably get breakfast and do the whole ‘Walk of shame’ thing right?” Erin nodded and Holtz started to get up out of the bed but a hand stopped her on her forearm.

“But you know how we were interrupted? Do you remember what I was screaming just before Patty burst in?”

“Yesss. Erin Gilbert! Do you want me to finish?!”

“Oh c’mon I was so close!” Erin pleaded with her eyes and Jillian pushed her down on to the mattress crawling up between her legs.

“Honey, you’re so bad!”

“You love it!”

“I know. I love it”

“And I love you.”

“I love you too…” Holtzmann whispered against Erin’s lips before lightly kissing them.

She finally throughout the whole of her life felt… _Happy._

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? Comments are always deeply appreciated. I know it's been sad and long but I hoped the happy moments outweighed the sad. Sometimes, I think to be the happiest you can be, you have to have been the saddest as well. The two contrary emotions tend to intensify each other the more we feel them. But happiness tends to win out. Thanks for reading.


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